Jul

15

Goldean Takes The Gold

Written by

We asked, and you answered—with a 90s reference, of course.

With 46% of the total votes, Goldean is the official new nickname for interim Dean Goldfarb, to be used henceforth in all Bwog posts and relevant legalese*.

No word yet on whether Goldean will embrace his new name, but we’re like 90% sure this makes PrezBo Ash Ketchum.

*Listserv conversations in which we debate sweet vs. salty meeting snacks

Dean Goldfarb via Bulbapedia

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17 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    revenge of the nerds much?

  2. SmashBro

    Fucking goldean

  3. Anonymous

    I wonder what the students and alumni who have been calling him "the don" for years will have to say

    "Hey did you hear what the cool kids at Bwog decided to call you? Goldean–you know, like the pokemon? the hit 90's franchise?"

  4. The Goy Factor

    Yeah I'm all about romance, fucking taking out a bitch on a Wednesday night behind Amsterdam after study-night and shoving my rolled up physics notes into her cooter.

    You know me, I'm all about going deep, like a fucking dentist. My dad's a fucking dentist. Dr. Alexander Bergman, MBA, CPA, PhD. Operating on your fucking teeth while playing songs from the Jurassic Park movie soundtrack. You like Titantic? Puts a whole new meaning to sticking my dick in her ROSE-petal.

    You know what my fucking problem is though? I got friends. But I got this special type of friend. You heard of him? I call him, Flamingo the Fucking Goy. He's got this non-jewish attitude. Don't blame him cause shit, he ain't fuckin jewish! So what's the problem you say? Can't we all just get along?

    Listen, I love the guy. Met him in Butler back in '09. Had a great hair cut, good fashion sense, all that shit. I asked him for a cig, not the designer kinds, the straight shit. He said no way Jose, I don't smoke. ...yeah. Fuck you too, gringo. And he ain't even Mexican!

    So I come to love the fuck. HE's a good kid ya know? Gets good grades, all that good shit. Then one day I look in his phone. He's got this chick, she's always textin' him and shit. Good for him! Gettin' pussy and shit. Clearly. But wait, the chick sends him a text that was sexual in nature but asked him if he thought she "was JEWCY."

    ahem.

    "JEWCY"?

    The fuck is that shit, gringo? Man, I tell ya. I might've been an asshole for peepin his phone when he wasn't at the table but this motherfucker was doing the work of The PLO! I'm sure the PLO terrorists want to fuck jews all day but here he was, fucking a jew all day.

    From that day on, I had a new outlook on life. Went home, stepped on a bunch of ants, then called my fuckin fuck buddy. Told her I wanted to be her boyfriend and shit.

    I said, "Little Yoko Tran, I wanna be your boyfriend."

    And she starts screaming about some shit like oh she's all the way over in fuckin' Vietnam and I had 2 years left at Columbia and my mother would never approve of a non jewish girl and blah fuckin blah. you ge tthe fuckin idea!

    I told the bitch to shut the fuck up and cry a bit because we started somethin. Went on FB and switched my status. We been together ever since. 2 fuckin' years man. 2 fuckin years.

    And my buddy? No idea where the fuck he is. Last time I heard, the goy fuck got engaged to ms. jewcy. Maybe he still is. MAybe not. Who the fuck knows. All I know is that I got a tight ass pussy for the rest of my life.

    Columbia Alum, over and out bitches. enjoy the school year.
    - Joshua Katzenrosen Bergman (not my real fuckin name)

    • I rate this book 4 stars  

      A truly gripping tale about high crime in new york city that revolves around a Jewish man at Columbia University (the protagonist)'s internal conflicts with having intercourse with his asian overseas girlfriend who turns out to be a femme fatale, in a mission to expose his non-Jewish friend, the "Flamingo Fucking Goy" (the antagonistic) that he is a Jewish-phile, obsessed with Jewish women. An excellent read for those of you into French Noir-style drama and style. I give it 4 stars. The only reason I gave it 4 instead of 5 is because it should have been titled as "One Fish, Jew Fish, Darwin Fish."

    • oh and by the way  

      great story, josh. looking forward to the next installment.

    • Anonymous

      drugs are bad, mkay

    • joeschmo  

      That's some Pulitzer Prize shit. I got one fucking word for this... inspirational.

    • The Dark Hand

      I had to read this twice before it finally clicked and the brilliance washed over me. If only certain on-campus publications had this type of magnificence in their writing.

    • Columbia University-Level LSAT Questions  

      #47) In his book, the "Goy Factor", author Bergman observes, "He said no way Jose, I don’t smoke. …yeah. Fuck you too, gringo. And he ain’t even Mexican!"

      From this, we can conclude that:

      a. Mexicans are the only nationality that smokes cigarettes.
      b. Men named Jose are more likely to smoke cigarettes than anyone else.
      c. The man he met in Butler Library is lying when he said he didn't have cigarettes.
      d. "Fuck you too, gringo" implies that Bergman is a homosexual.

      ---------------

      #48) In his book, the "Goy Factor", author Bergman liberally uses Columbia colloquialism such as "fucking" and "shit" in order to:

      a. Support his assertion that Columbia University students are "fucking" crazy.
      b. Bolster his arguments with psychological impact.
      c. Mask his political agenda in attacking Palestinian global policies.
      d. Instill a mood relevant to the setting of the story.

  5. Happy

    Came up with that name in the comments on the original post... thats my life legacy. Looks like i can slack off the rest of my life.

    • Sad

      that one of the names in the poll was mine and did not make #1. if your name ever comes out, i will find you. i will walk up to your face. i will open my fly and wack off in the grass. and i will tell you to go fuck yourself.

      i'm coming kid. better get some uranium from the Mudd building.

    • SEAS '14

      Dammit. I thought it was me the whole time. I came up with the same name a bit further down, but now reading your comment I've looked back and saw that you had it first.

      Oh well, at least they used my spelling.

  6. pokemonshouldbepartofthecore  

    Ash never had a Goldeen. Prezbo is Misty.

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