Sep

6

Opening Remarks

Written by

It's a metaphor

Whether you’re still shaking off your NSOP hangover, or have just realized that you need to take Music Hum, Art Hum, and all of your global core this year, the start of a new semester offers a fresh chance to hear world-renowned academics make awkward sex jokes. Here are this semester’s shining nuggets of wisdom delivered by aforementioned academics. Enjoy!

Julie Peters, Modern Drama

“When reading the play, I really want you guys to think about. I mean, you’re probably thinking about sex right now anyways, but I want you to think about it in the context of the play.”

Gil Anidjar, Theories and Culture

“If you have a problem with anything I say, please feel free to email me.. or Campus Watch.”

Shamus Khan, The Social World

“So this class is basically just me and chalk.”

Solomon Mowshowitz, Immunology

“Using a microphone, it’s sort of like kissing a bride through a veil; the whole thing loses its intimacy.”

Jay Shuttleworth, CC

“One day, one book. And if that sounds crazy, it is.”

Prezbo, Freedom of Speech and Press

“Predictably, at the end of class, you’re going to walk away and say, ‘I don’t know what the hell the point of that was.’ We’ll get back to this later.”

“On the first day of class, students always deny seeing the assignment. So, how many of you saw it?” (no one raises their hand)

“You were accused of cheating…along with students at Harvard who all cheat. In that situation, you’re wondering how much could you sue the Spectator for. Spectator has no money. You’re not likely to get any back.”

Seyhan Arkonac, Intro to Econometrics

“After you come to class, I do everything to make you stay awake. To the point of throwing chalk. Seriously, I’ve done it before.”

Turku Isiksel, Citizenship and Exclusion

“If you’ve seen the Big Lebowski 14 times you can read Plato a 2nd time … [muffled, isolated chuckles] … you know who you are.”

Gregory Mann, History of West Africa

“I was talking about Harvard earlier, which made me think of grade inflation. And cheating.”

“I gave an A plus, once. And then I was told not…to…”

Katherine Ewing, Introduction to the Anthropology of South Asia

“In college, one of the reasons I wanted to go do research in India was because all the hippies were going there, doing drugs.”

Shining pieces of wisdom via Wikimedia

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6 Comments

  1. Anon  

    "There will be no make-up midterm for dead people. If you die, you must resurrect yourself and take the final exam." - Xavier Sala-I-Martin, Intermediate Macroeconomics

  2. The Dark Hand  

    “You were accused of cheating…along with students at Harvard who all cheat. In that situation, you’re wondering how much could you sue the Spectator for. Spectator has no money. You’re not likely to get any back.”

    Even Prezbo knows Spec sucks.

  3. Anonymous  

    "Don't worry about trees. They're a renewable resource." - Jonathan Gross, Discrete Math, on printing out coursenotes.

  4. Anonymous  

    Sarah Cole- James Joyce- *all excited* "Well somebody's masturbating, I won't say who!"

  5. Anonymous

    "All of the people that got fired at the DMV came to run Columbia." Mark Lilla, Montaigne and the Modern Self

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