Oct

1

ASSkBwog: The Buttler

Written by

the view from across the shaft

The Crown Jewels

Dear Bwog,

I was casually walking around naked in my girlfriend’s Shafted Woodbridge duplex post-coitus when I heard giggles. Two girls from across the shaft caught me snacking naked in the kitchen. Shafted (and in so many ways!), I now turn to you for advice: how should I handle this situation?

— Buttler

Dear Buttler,

First, put some clothes on before writing your email—I live across from your shaft too. Second, let’s address this situation pragmatically. Depending on your character, there are a few ways you could handle such a situation:

  • The Surrender: put some clothes on and avoid the girls for the rest of the year at all costs.
  • The Batman: next time you want to go for a naked stroll, turn the lights off, put the blinds down, and wear a cape. The night is your friend.
  • The Conciliator: turn around and face the window like a man… don’t half ass it.
  • The Avenger: gain some weight and repeat your public naked frolics.
  • The Entertainer: dance. If you’re going to entertain, do it all the way.

Of course, we may have forgotten a few, but this should give you a few options to play with next time you find yourself in such a situation.

Much love,

Bwog

The Full Monty via Wikimedia Commons

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11 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Don't leave the room naked.

  2. Tobias Funke  

    Never-Nudes don't have this problem.

  3. Anonymous  

    bwog, can you please stop posting stories that remind me of the sad fact that everyone except for myself is getting laid?

  4. Anonymous  

    I have nothing to productive to say. I love this post.

  5. Anonymous  

    Just heard loud sex coming from the Woodbridge shaft. Went for the encore?

  6. Lulz

    Someone didn't read the New Yorker article on gonorrhea.

  7. ugh

    Fat-naked isn't always grosser. Don't body-shame, bwog.

  8. Anonymous

    Personally, as a girl, I would prefer the conciliator option.

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