Jan

31

John Jay Descends into Anarchy

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How it feels to wait for the John Jay elevator

John Jay let out a collective scream yesterday when housing announced that their elevator (cause of much strife) will not be fixed for another three to four weeks. Three. To. Four. Weeks. So, for all you JJ residents out there, that means another MONTH of twenty minute lines, cramming fifteen people into the elevator, and sweating while you walk up ten flights of stairs. If we take into account the fact that “three to four weeks” in Columbia-time actually means “never,” we predict that it will take no time at all for John Jay to start rioting. The original email, which urges residents to take the other elevator or the stairs for the time being (gee whiz that never occurred to anyone!), is below:

John Jay Residents,

 Thank you for your patience as we work with Facilities to repair the south John Jay elevator. We realize that this is an inconvenience, and we want to keep you informed of the progress. After further evaluation by the elevator company, the repairs needed require elevator car 18 to be out of service for three to four additional weeks. Unfortunately, custom parts have to be manufactured to resolve the issue. We hear your concerns and are working closely with Facilities and the manufacturer to ensure that parts and repairs are completed as expediently as possible. We will continue to keep you informed of any changes in the expected service completion timeline.

 In the interim please use the adjacent elevator, car (#17), or the stairs. Note that car (#17) is only traveling between floors 1 – 13 while repairs to car 18 are underway.

 Regards,

 Columbia Housing

Ultimate rage-face via Shutterstock

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27 Comments

  1. The End  

    This is the end. Life as we know it is over. In the coming weeks, lines will form. Awkward waiting will occur. Some conversation might even take place before you can return to your closet of solitude. The weak-minded may resort to the stairs, and by god, your calf muscles MAY slowly enlarge.

    Dry up your salty eye liquid, friends. Their are kids in Africa who have never even heard of elevators.

  2. Anonymous  

    OH GOD I HAVE A FEAR OF THE NUMBER 17 I CANT RIDE CAR 17 ANYTHING BUT CAR 17

  3. Anonymous

    Columbia needs to replace these elevators. It would be faster and cheaper in the long run. I suggest high speed glass elevators to a rooftop garden.

  4. Twitch  

    Columbia kids claim to be for university worker's rights, but when it comes to paying the price of union work...nope.

    Check your privilege.

  5. Bandaid solutions  

    Would housing have a way to make the elevator only be able to stop at every 3rd floor (i.e. 1, 4, 7, 10, 13) so that students don't need to take more than 2 flights of stairs, and the elevator line will go faster?

    Yeah, it's less than ideal and some floors won't have an elevator. JJ 14 and 15 are already living with that, though.

  6. Hmmm  

    This is sorta like that time when they said that EC would have turnstiles by Fall 2011 but OH WAIT THEY STILL DON'T WORK

  7. Anonymous

    how are the custom parts being made? any chance to have the elevator company post pictures of the process? :)

  8. john jay resident  

    this is fucking outrageous. i am so pissed i am about to smash shit. what the fuck is the problem, fix it already before i unleash my motherfucking rage with my sledgehammer. im sick and tired of this shitty ass 200 year old building that smells like barf and curry fried rice every day. if they dont install a brand new elevator by tom i will go ape shit/ flip the motherfucking switch on this shitz.

  9. MechE  

    4? 4 week? Dude, no, give me the drawing and I will have new parts in a week. We have our own machine shop you know. Why don't they have use fix it in house, I mean dam. sucks to be a freshman.

  10. JJ  

    There better not be any vomit in that elevator this weekend or imma cut a bitch.

  11. Sherry J. Wolf  

    Imagine living in GAZA for three to four weeks.

    You would be glad to take the stairs. I'd also say it would help you loose weight, but that would be offensive and fat shaming. Unbelievable privilege. Please check it already.

    P.S. Writing to multicultural affairs to finally disband this "website" you call "the bwog."

  12. SEASBoy  

    I think I just found a dinosaur fossil.

    "Custom parts" means only one thing - the elevators are so old that the machinery they require is obsolete. It might actually be cheaper to replace these relics of the turn of the century than fixing them every two months. But that would be too logical for a university with a $7 billion endowment.

    • Anonymous  

      Endowments, no matter what their size, are typically earmarked for certain things. It's not PrezBo's Pocket Change.

      That being said, you're right that replacing them would be the way to go.

  13. Anonymous

    ... its time to start working on those summer bodies anyway...

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