Apr

2

We Don’t Know What a “Bridge Building” Award Is So We Made Our Own

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Hopefully the winners get swagtastic medals like this one...
Hopefully the winners get swagtastic medals like this one...

Hopefully the winners get swagtastic medals like this one…

The winners of the 2013 King’s Crown Leadership Excellence Awards were released by Student Affairs this week. Covering eight different categories, including “Columbia Spirit” and “Indelible Mark,” the King’s Crown awards seek “to recognize significant contributions of student organizations and CC/SEAS students to the Columbia community” (Student Affairs) or ” students who either did a good job running a student group or did the administration’s bidding, sometimes both” (WikiCU). Bwog extends our hearty congratulations to this year’s honorees.

In the spirit of recognizing outstanding members of the Columbia student body, however, we also thought we’d come up with our own awards for those who’ve managed to really distinguish themselves during their time in Morningside Heights. Here are our categories for general student excellence; feel free to submit nominations (or your own ideas for awards) in the comments.

  • Best Business Card Hander Outer
  • Most Frequent Senior Night Attendee
  • Best Mel’s/Heights/1020 Customer
  • Best Checker of Privilege
  • Most Likely to Make Everyone Else Feel Terrible About Their Career Prospects with Their Insanely Prestigious Summer Internship
  • Most Likely to Single-Handedly Keep Westside in the Black with Their Cookie/Salad/Dip Consumption
  • Most Likely to Be on a First-Name Basis with Every JJ’s Place Employee
  • Most Likely to Read Gender Trouble and Actually Understand It
  • Most Impressively Able to Start and Finish a 10 Page Research Paper 5 Hours Before It’s Due
  • Most Able to Find Time to Watch 5 Hours of Netflix a Day While Being Involved in 500 Activities and Holding Down a 4.0
  • Most Likely to Keep Drinking At 1020 After Graduating and Moving Downtown
  • Most Likely to Spend Four Years Complaining About “Sellouts,” Then Go Into Finance or Consulting Anyway
  • Most Likely to Quit Their Finance Job to Join The Peace Corps
  • Most Likely to Quit the Peace Corps for a Finance Job
  • Couple Most Likely to Be Married with Three Kids and a Half Acre Lot in Westchester by the 10 Year Reunion

W.W.I Allied Victory medal from Thailand via Wikimedia

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16 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    instead of Gender Trouble it should be anything by Gayatri Spivak, just sayin'

  2. Anonymous  

    OH SHIT. I HAVE NOMINATIONS FOR CHECKERS OF PRIVILEGE.

  3. Anonymous  

    i nominate myself for all of them

  4. Anonymous

    i think i got that senior nightt

  5. Ideas  

    Most Pro Engineer

    Top SEAS Boy

  6. Anonymous  

    SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!!

  7. Anonymous  

    Most Impressively Able to Start and Finish a 10 Page Research Paper 5 Hours Before It’s Due= TYLER BENEDICT

  8. Anonymous  

    There should be an award for best hugger. Hugs are a huge contribution to the community.

  9. The Team  

    Most Likely to Be on a First-Name Basis with Every JJ’s Place Employee-I nominate the illustrious Cole Hickman.

  10. Sherry J. Wolf  

    Best Checker of Privilege?! Really, Bwog?! It's offensive that we would even need an award for that.

    And this is why Columbia needs to be Occupied and Re-Educated. Disgusting.

  11. Cardinal Protodeacon

    There's a "best bridge-builder" award? Does that person become the Pontifex Maximus?

  12. Anonymous  

    MostLikely to Return to Dollaroma every year

  13. Admirer  

    Most Frequent Senior Night Attendee= Olivia Woldemikael

  14. Anonymous

    @Cardinal Protodeacon: More like Pontoon-ifex Maximus, amirite?!

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