Oct

26

Halloween Happenings in Hamilton Hall

Written by

bwog dares you to touch it

Bwog dares you to touch it

A terrified tipster has brought to our a attention a deplorable yellow goo oozing from the walls of Hamilton. One young Bwogger made her way over to Hamilton Hall this evening, in spite of (and perhaps truly because of) recent tales from its depths. 

Friday the 25th did not begin especially well. With Mercury in retrograde, my day was filled with those everyday complications that build to growing frustration. There were simple computer problems and bizarre communication errors. IDs forgotten in dorms and printers out of order. Splenda missing from the dining hall and professors twenty-five minutes late to office hours.

The signs were clear: atmospheric conditions were not ideal for exploring campus after dark.

If only I’d known what I was in for during one innocent trip to Hamilton last night. Upon entering the hall, I was received by walls coated in yellow slime, mysterious and particularly opaque. Out of the depths, a hysterical CC classmate rushed by—out of breath, heaving the haphazard weight of one very large backpack onto the marble floor, he grasped my arm and met my eyes.

He mumbled something about destiny and being cursed and frantically whispered his UNI thirteen times over and over in my ear but what was truly behind those glassy blue eyeballs…I will never know. He dropped his gaze and left me, as abruptly as he’d arrived, departing to whence he’d come. His sudden appearance whispered warnings at me, “Get out; do not return until midnight strikes on the first of November.”

My coat sleeve yet bears the fine imprint of that ’16 boy’s desperate grip. My mind yet retains a clear image of his twitchy, maybe-just-stressed, maybe-very-recently-driven-insane-by-a-haunted-Hamilton pair of eyes. My soul seems to yet hold the key to the truth behind the Hamilton seepage.

Picture of dripping yellow matter via Concerned Tipster

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4 Comments

  1. i don't get the  

    mercury in retrograde thing. someone explain?

    • Anonymous

      It's an astrological reference. When the planet Mercury is in retrograde, weird things happen.

    • Mercury was in retrograde before it was cool

      Mercury appears at a slightly different place in the sky every night, almost always moving in a consistent direction. Since Mercury is closer to the sun than we are, and because the two planets move at different speeds, every so often it will briefly appear to be going backwards (retrograde) relative to the direction it usually goes. This has no effect on life on earth because astrology is bullshit.

  2. Astrology is not bullshit  

    Astrology runs our lives

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