BASKETBALL

If you don’t pay much attention to sports at Columbia, you might assume that they are all like a certain sport-which-shall-not-be-named—depressing to watch. This is untrue. Maud Rozee brings you a few reasons why you should check out a basketball game, even if, like her, you know 0 things about basketball.

1. Unlike a sport that takes place at Baker, basketball is played in the warm, indoor, conveniently located Levien Gym. And the games are short and sweet.
2. There hasn’t been a game yet where they give the first 100 students a coupon for free Chipotle, so that must still be coming up.
3. There are twins on the cheer team this year.
4. Freshman Conor Voss is 7’1″. It’s fun just to watch him sit on the sidelines in a chair that is obviously way too small.
5. Coach Stephanie Glance looks like a blonde version of Red from Orange is the New Black.

Trust me, they are twins.

6. Grant Mullins. He looks like Prince Charming, is from Canada (so exotic), and is mull-insanely good at basketball.
7. Miwa “Honey Badger” Tachibana. Miwa doesn’t understand the phrase “you miss 100% of the shots you never take” because it implies taking shots is risky. Her number is 00 because she’s licensed to kill.
8. Maodo Lo has outstanding hair, is from Berlin (so exotic), and is abs-lo-lutely amazing at basketball.
9.The court can’t even handle Carolyn Binder. She’s this week’s Ivy League Women’s Basketball Rookie of the Week, the first Lion Rookie of the Week since a year ago.
10. The men’s team has a new behind the scenes video series, where you can discover how much they all love basketball and being on a team. So heartwarming.

11. You get to watch the dance team do their dance thing! So many thighs moving in  synchronization! Such grace.
12. Sometimes the teams win! And even if they lose, it’s usually close and always fun to watch.