Dec

16

Snowball Fight Warps Into War On Fun

Written by

NOOOOOOOOO

Late last night we got a tip about an attack from the War on Fun (it’s back) that occurred at Saturday night’s Snowball Fight. We present the story to you in full:

Okay so in the middle of the snowball fight last [Saturday] night, a few dedicated souls opted to forgo the catharsis of violently hurling ice at each other and instead began trying to sled down the steps. A box was produced, someone tried to make use of an errant bag of salt, all to little effect. nbd. That was, until THIS GUY SHOWED UP:

great picture quality

THIS GUY

As you can see from the blurry pics (hey, it was in the middle of a snowball fight) he showed up with not just one, but TWO KAYAKS

apparently

TWO

He was immediately interrupted by the War on Fun. I have since been informed that “He’s the president of the whitewater kayaking club and is defs talented enough to handle Columbia’s steps.” Unfortunately, it seems this argument was not persuasive enough for our furry-hatted friends.

NOOOOOOOOO

They took him. The War on Fun took him.

Note that he also brought an oar. And was wearing board shorts. What a hero.

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14 Comments

  1. White Powder  

    David is awesome! He ended up kayaking on the streets instead

  2. What a sensationalist headline

    The War on Fun didn't attack the snowball fight. The War on Fun attacked sledding down the steps, which they do every year.

    • Anonymous  

      That's why it's so egregious. President Bollinger has decided to wage an endless war, one that by design will continue to produce a neutered student body.

      Now that efforts by "Public Safety" against us are in their 12th year, we must also ask ourselves: How will this conflict end? . . . . 'War' must be regarded as a finite, extraordinary and unnatural state of affairs. We must not accept the current conflict, and all that it entails, as the 'new normal.' Raunchiness, or not being complacent bitches, must be regarded as the norm toward which the student body continually strives.

      When does this thing we are in now end? And if it does not have an end — and I'm not speaking as a lawyer here, I am just speaking as a citizen who feels morally accountable for my university's actions — if it does not have an end, then morally speaking it does not seem like it is a war. And then, if Martinez is citing and locking them up outside the traditional judicial system in a way I think the admins maybe cannot be forgiven for.

      The polices adopted by the Bollinger administration just over the last couple of years leave no doubt that they are accelerating, not winding down, the war apparatus that has been relentlessly strengthened over the last decade. In the name of the War on Fun, the president has diluted decades-old alcohol traditions; codified a new scheme of smoking restrictions on our soil; plotted to relocate Guantanamo to Illinois; increased secrecy, repression and restrictions at the school; sealed our windows, doors, and tunnels; drastically upgraded security cameras; and just renewed UNI password bullshit without a single reform.

      Does that sound to you like a college anticipating the end of the War on Fun any time soon? Or does it sound like one working feverishly to make their whitebread-justified powers of surveillance, killing and secrecy permanent?

      There's no question that this "war" will continue indefinitely. There is no question that Columbia's actions are the cause of that, the gasoline that fuels the fire. The only question - and it's becoming less of a question for me all the time - is whether this endless war is the intended result of Columbia's actions or just an unwanted miscalculation.

  3. Anonymous  

    Sledding down steps is definitely more dangerous than a snowball fight, and every year there are a few severe head injuries reported to CAVA/Public Safety! This is why they ban sledding down steps. (Despite that famous snowboarding-near-alma photo used in so many admissions publications.)

  4. Jasper  

    Ridin' a kayak down the steps? That's a paddlin'.

  5. carv  

    You can’t even call this shit a war…wars end.

  6. Juanitolover

    David Littlejohn is a God.

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