Dec

17

Senior Wisdom: Stephen Snowder

Written by

Snowder

Snowder

Name, Hometown, School: Stephen Snowder, Stafford VA, GS

Claim to fame? Co-founder/chief editor of The Lion, the only Columbia blog co-founded and chiefly edited by Stephen Snowder. Prior to that, editor of Spectrum, Spec’s blog. Some people still think I am behind specsucks, but I’m not (I’m not humble enough to refuse credit for something so hilarious). IvyGate once called me insane.

Where are you going? Wow, this is a good question. I should probably start thinking about that.

Three things you learned at Columbia:

  1. Most people are pretty nice, even the ones who don’t seem that way at first. Give people a chance, and then give them a second chance. You might make some awesome friends. Some of my best friends are people who, the first time I met them, I was like “What the hell is this person’s problem?” Of course, some people just suck. So maybe try a three-strikes rule or something.
  2. Look for viewpoints that differ from your own and try to find the value in them. Columbia is a diverse place, but the loudest voices on our campus tend to say all the same things. Everyone else sort of gets drowned out. Look for the drowned-out folks and listen to them. In general, if someone at Columbia disagrees with you, it’s not because he or she is stupid or evil. It’s because that person sees things differently than you do. Try to find out why that is. Learn from other people’s perspectives. Engage with differing opinions respectfully.
  3. Don’t study in Butler. Walking in there you just absorb other people’s stress and misery through osmosis. Find another study spot. My favorite place is in the basement of IAB, in the Lewisohn library. On the very bottom floor there are cubbies where you can study and usually there are a couple that are open. There’s no cell reception down there, so you won’t be distracted. Plus there is often funny stuff written on the walls.

Back in my day… My friends know that I seriously cannot remember anything that happened more than five minutes ago, but I will try to answer this question. In my day, some professor was sleeping with his daughter, we were having a huge debate about ROTC, and The Lion did not even exist yet (gasp!). Now the professor is gone, ROTC is here, and The Lion exists (sigh of relief).

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Oh god. I’ve accomplished nothing. How am I going to answer this question? How did I even get nominated for this? Maybe I could tell them about the time I

Write a CU Admirers post to anyone or anything at Columbia: To all staffers, past and present, of the Columbia “Daily” Spectator: Despite your failure to comprehend that THE WEEKEND IS STILL A DAY, you are pretty awesome people. You work insanely hard five days a week to put out a newspaper that has served and will continue to serve as the most thorough, most lasting record of everything that happens at Columbia. No other campus publication can say that about itself. Keep working hard and be proud of what you do. I’m very proud to have been associated with you.

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I would rather envision a scenario in which this is a choice I might possibly have to make. I guess the most obvious one would be if I had a girlfriend and she was like, “Look, I don’t like cheese, and if you continue to eat it then you can forget about any future instances of oral sex!”

Of course I could just break up with her, so let’s change this scenario a little and say she’s my wife. Now divorce is the only way out, and that’s a pretty costly option. Plus maybe we have kids. No one wants to get divorced over cheese when there are kids involved.

In this modified scenario, I’ve got to ask myself some hard questions. Like: “How much do I really like cheese anyway?” and “How much do I really like my kids anyway?” and “Why is she only threatening to withhold oral sex, but not other sexual activities?”

I would probably start thinking about that last question a lot. “Maybe she just doesn’t like performing oral sex and she’s hoping that I will choose to keep the cheese,” I would probably say to myself. “Maybe it’s time for us to have a serious talk about our sexual wants and needs.” A fourth thing I learned at Columbia is that when it comes to sex, communication is key.

One thing to do before graduating: Take Peter Awn’s Islam class. Seriously, take it. I took it my first semester at Columbia and the experience left a lasting impression on me. Awn is an amazing lecturer, and the class is incredibly informative.

Any regrets? Yep.

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14 Comments

  1. Posting from the IAB basement  

    Snowderp means Lehman library, not Lewisohn. Now THAT is a place where you absorb misery.

  2. PeterJacksonFan22  

    We'll miss you Snowderp!

  3. The Dark Hand  

    Snoderp u are RONG I am only pretending to b nice to u so I can take down spect

  4. Anonymous

    Snowder, you're the best.

  5. omg  

    that was the absolute best response to the oral sex/cheese question.

  6. lol

    really good ans to oral sex question

  7. Rando  

    What happens if you actually Fail a course at Columbia? Not required for major. Not trolling, no nastiness please.

    • Rambo

      In the old days, students who failed a course would have their eyes gouged out by Lee Bollinger. However, as Mr. Snowder notes, The Lion exists today. Now failing students just get fed to The Lion.

    • Anonymous

      Depends on your department and status and what the class is. I failed one for my major but it was Machine Learning, so the response from advising was something like "yeah, that one's hard, don't worry" so nothing happened. If you're failing multiple 101s you might have to go on leave.

    • Anonymous  

      you won't get kicked out as long as your gpa doesnt fall below a 2.0.

  8. JK  

    That was actually funny, thx.

  9. Stephen Snowder

    Is a True American.

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