The wisest senior wisdom we’ve had thus far—because Schermerhorn Extension truly does NOT exist.

Name, School, Major, Hometown:
Michael “Michael-Thomas” Thomas. CC. Sociology + French and Francophone Studies. Lewes, Delaware.

Claim to fame:
I got my final grade changed three separate times (out of five attempts) just by asking the instructor to change it.

Where are you going?
Not back to campus.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2024?

  1. Pick your feet up on College Walk; that shit is not even and you will trip.
  2. Schermerhorn Extension is NOT a real building, don’t try to find it.
  3. I know where every single-use bathroom is on campus. (Even the ones not listed here (not sharing, don’t ask))

“Back in my day…”
We called them “breakfast swipes.”

Favorite Columbia controversy?
When the seniors threw a massive EC courtyard party to celebrate no classes because of Coronavirus. (For legal reasons I did not attend.)

What was your favorite class at Columbia?
Lit Hum with Nassime Chida (take her classes).

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese?
No.

Whom would you like to thank?
My one true love, whom I met in Paris and went on three electrifying dates with during my first week of study abroad. You changed my life. I will never forget that last time I saw you, one month after our last date, eating a fillet-o-fish in the Voltaire McDonald’s. You might as well have been eating my heart.

Oh, and the guy at financial aid who gave me a 12k refund check to study abroad in Paris.

One thing to do before graduating:
Figure out what the hours are at Diana Cafe because it is NOT clear if they are indeed ever open.

Any regrets?
Never.

photo via Michael Thomas