These elevators really push my buttons!

The academic year is coming to a close and something every freshman has mentioned once or at least noticed throughout the year is the egregious John Jay elevators. Whether it’s their abysmally slow speed, confusing pathing, or just unappealing interior, everyone has a reason to hate the John Jay elevators. The worst part about using the elevators is the unnecessarily long amount of time you need to wait before it reaches the lobby or your floor to peruse the building. Recently, I have taken it upon myself, with help from representatives of the Columbia Elevator Waiting Society (CEWS), to create a guide for the future on how to spend your time efficiently while waiting for the bothersome John Jay elevators, or any other assailants on campus, looking at you, singular Hamilton elevator. The other day, I went out and performed a field test and today I will share what I determined to be the best activities to do while waiting for the elevator to move!  

Read/Study

While reading or studying is not the first thing you think of doing while waiting for the elevator, it is certainly a viable option! Pictured is me and the representatives, Jolu and Back, from the CEWS catching up on readings in two of our classes. Back decided to read the Iliad to catch up on LitHum readings (he is a little behind). In the time we had while waiting for the elevator, he was able to read about three quarters of the book which is about 423 pages. At that speed, Back would be able to catch up on his LitHum readings in about 17 John Jay elevator rides! That’s pretty efficient considering you ride the elevator about 4-6 times a day normally. Since we are performing a scientific and statistical experiment, we thought it would be important to perform multiple trials to make sure our calculations were correct, and sure enough, after 3 trials of reading the average was around 400 pages (he seemed to be slowing down as the trials went on) confirming our hypothesis. While Back was reading the Iliad, Jolu and I studied chemistry out of my textbook. While waiting for the elevator I was able to explain and derive electron spin and Schrodinger’s Equation. Evidently reading and studying are both some of the best things you can do while waiting for the elevator especially if you are going somewhere where you will be studying anyways. 

Work on PSET

As an engineer, I and many others had the audacity to complain about the length and time it takes to complete a problem set, whether it be calculus or physics, while we sat there twiddling our thumbs waiting for the John Jay elevator. The two representatives and I were able to complete my Multivariable Calculus problem set 8 about Lagrange Multipliers, Triple Integrals, and Circular/Cylindrical Coordinates while waiting for the elevator with much time to spare! Working on problem sets is often a communal activity, I’m sure many others in line to use the elevator would be more than happy to join you! In the future, I will be completing all of my PSETs while waiting for the elevator. 

Catch up on a show

While performing the previous listed test, I figured we should test more entertaining options for those who are already academically proactive. In this test, Back, Jolu, and I tried to catch up on the One Piece anime which has 1,013 twenty-minute episodes. Before the elevator made its way down to the lobby, we were able to complete 61 episodes (according to Jolu, while binging a show we were able to transcend what might be normally possible for the number of episodes watched in a day). Like the reading, this is super efficient for catching up on or finishing shows you are interested in. At our speed, it would take around 17 elevator rides to catch up on One Piece! 

Play a board game

While thinking of things to do while waiting for the elevator I found board games would be the perfect entertaining activity! While awaiting the elevator, we decided to play a game of Monopoly. Unfortunately, we were not able to finish, as all Monopoly games go, before the elevator arrived. However, I was able to bankrupt Jolu. Although we were not able to finish, playing board games was the perfect activity while waiting for the elevator. We did offer our additional pieces to other people in line however no one took up on our offer to join the game. Some other games to try while waiting for the elevator are Risk, which may be more reasonable to finish while waiting for the elevator, Life, or 52 card pickup. 

Turn the elevator lobby into a practice room

While we were performing the experiments, Back recommended that he and Jolu could spend the time waiting for the elevator practicing their guitar skills to perform at Bacchanal, which they were unable to attend due to the elevator being too slow to help them get downstairs. While they performed in front of the elevator, not only were they able to practice their skills but entertain the others in line waiting for the elevator. Whilst waiting for the elevator I would more than happy to listen to others hone their musical talents and I recommend this to anyone who happens to be carrying their instrument and anticipating an elevator ride, especially to the Harpists and Xylophonists out there!

Officiate a Marriage Ceremony

Something one’s mind instantly goes to when they think of waiting for an elevator is getting married. While waiting for an elevator, I was able to become an ordained minister in the city of New York and able to marry Jolu and another member of the CEWS, Nisom, and host a marriage ceremony. It was a beautiful moment and I am glad everyone in the line waiting for the elevator got to witness it as well. This was personally my favorite thing to do while waiting for the elevator, it’s not every ride that you get to marry a couple. Look how happy they are together!

That concludes my list of suggested things you can do while waiting for the John Jay (or any other building’s) elevator. I appreciate the help from the Columbia Elevator Waiting Society and I recommend checking out their organization if you are interested in machinery and uplifting activities! Next time you are waiting for the elevator, I encourage you to spend the time having fun or getting stuff done with something from my list!

pictures that lift your spirits via Jake Torres and Bwarchvies