If you have a Hydro Flask you have to read this.

Nalgene: The Nokia of water bottles. It has a million year warranty and will never break. You like to know exactly how much water you’re drinking. You have an app that keeps track of your hydration, like Plant Nanny. You feel bad when you don’t make your goal. You put all the stickers that won’t fit on your laptop on your bottle.

Swell: You’re bougie as fuck. You paid $35 for a water bottle that spills everywhere when you open it. You like your water freezing cold. You go to SoulCycle and/or Gotham Gym. You own a Canada Goose but probably still wear leather jackets when it snows.

Hydro Flask: You take your hydration very seriously. They sell these things up to 128 oz. You were the “water guy” on your high school sports team. You constantly lose your water bottle in classrooms and then post “has anyone seen my Hydro Flask???”

Camelbak: You have an oral fixation. You like efficiency and don’t want to bother taking the lid off when you can just suck. You’re a giver, not a taker. You either had braces for ten years or you didn’t have them at all. You still wear your retainer.

Kleen Kanteen: You’re a traditionalist. You had one in high school and have stuck with it. You prefer lukewarm water. You keep your bottle on a carabiner.

Plastic: Do you even care about the environment??? You’re lazy as fuck. You have minimum of three of these in your room at all times. You can open beer bottles with your teeth and don’t care about the damage it does. You’ve had several cavities.

Free-from-an-event bottle: You’re still lazy, but at least you have a conscience.

Ecofriendly via Pixabay.