Bwog staffer and friends discuss Columbia’s infamous gates in the context of our most recent award show winners.

Kendrick Lamar – Record of the Year, Song of the Year, Best Music Video and Best Rap Performance for ‘Not Like Us’ 

The NoCo doors on 120th and Broadway might not really be a gate, but the easy access to campus from a previously very inconvenient place to be (why is every gate past 116th always closed?) makes it a favorite. Much like Kendrick Lamar’s discography, the NoCo entrance is so indisputably good that it doesn’t often get mentioned, but when all is said and done, the GOAT will always prevail. And as a bonus, NoCo is the easiest way to sneak un-registered guests into campus, but you didn’t hear that from us.  

Beyoncé – Best Country Album and Album of the Year for ‘COWBOY CARTER’, Best Country Duo/Group Performance for ‘II MOST WANTED’ featuring Miley Cyrus 

How this is Beyoncé’s first AOTY is completely beyond us, but nevertheless, she is finally getting her moment, just like the 116th and Amsterdam Gate. Specifically during the endless Spring 2024 semester when the Broadway gate was closed, the beauty of an open Amsterdam gate showed us just how great an underdog (that absolutely never should have been an underdog) can be. Now that we can all agree that she’s the queen, let us NEVER snub her again. 

Charli XCX – Best Dance/Electronic Album and Best Recording Package for ‘BRAT’, Best Dance Pop Recording for ‘Von Dutch’ 

While Brat Summer appealed to audiences of all ages, the target demographic was clearly the young, fearless insanity of the freshman living in Carman. The only people walking through the Carman gate past 9pm on a weekend are students that can only be described as Brat-level intoxicated. No doubt after hearing those Club Classics all night, the convenience of the Carman gate is exactly what those students need to prepare for their upcoming Butler study day.

Chappell Roan – Best New Artist 

A new addition to the consistently-open gate roster, we have the Lerner turnstile! Although it’s always a gamble whether or not your CUID will grant you access to the maze of ramps and Ferris dinners that Lerner has to offer, after some intensive field research, the turnstile seems to be working more consistently than ever before. Much like Chappell Roan’s red carpet fashion, you never know what you’re gonna get, but we can guarantee it will always be a show. 

Sabrina Carpenter – Best Solo Pop Performance for ‘Espresso’ and Best Pop Vocal Album for ‘Short ‘N Sweet’

As a supporting act to Brat Summer, it only feels right that Sabrina Carpenter is equated to the Carman gate’s little sister, the John Jay gate. When it’s open, it’s amazing. A godsend if you will. But if not, the sheer embarrassment I feel as bystanders watch me approach a closed wrought iron gate and pretend that I’m not disappointed is akin to the public embarrassment of a shitty boyfriend.

Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars – Best Pop Duo/Group Performance for ‘Die With a Smile’ 

You didn’t think we’d forget Barnard, did you? While this may seem far fetched—hear us out. Lady Gaga, in her classically original and amazing fashion is exactly that of a Barnard Baddie, and Bruno Mars’ song ‘Locked out of Heaven’ is unironically exactly how we feel looking up at Earl Hall—where the center for religious life is housed—through a locked gate. This duo is constantly facing each other, and their effectiveness as a gate is dependent on each other, painting a picture of Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars singing to each other on stage.  

Header via Bwog Archives