Only people who don’t drink enough water say these taste differentl

Are you a FIJI lover? And no, I’m not talking about the Frat, I’m talking the close to $3 bottle of water. The water that apparently is sourced from volcanic springs and has become synonymous with  luxury. If you are, eschewing the pragmatism and convenience of  Poland Spring, then you will most likely seek out those more luxe watering holes. At Columbia, not all water fountains are created equally, which mirrors the many nuanced differences between the two bottled water brands mentioned above. Seek out the playful comparisons below to see what water fountain would most likely be the bottling source of your favorite water bottle brand.

Schermerhorn Ext. (Crystal Geyser) – If you are lucky enough to find a working water fountain, this water will dribble out somewhat warmly and sporadically. Like Crystal Geyser, you are better off sterilizing your own urine.

Altschul (Ozarka) – This water stinks. No, it really smells. Its decaying background and proximity to a moldy wall may have something to do with this.

Milbank (Deer Park) – Despite the trappings of luxury, the water is just okay. You would expect a lot more from a water fountain feet away from the Bursar’s.

NoCo (Nestle) – This water has a sweetness to it. The modern, sleek fountain is of medium height and provides maximum comfort. Unlike the clunkiness of a Milbank one, this fountain has no pretensions.

Dodge (Boxed Water) – The atmosphere gives it a rather pretentious aftertaste. It is unwieldy, sporadic, and requires a lot of patience.

Butler (Poland Spring) – Despite the one water fountain by 209, they are mostly functional. The water is cold, crisp, and leaves no unsettling aftertaste. The gold plating on each water fountain further heightens this mediocre experience.

Pupin (Dasani) – Salty! These water fountains always keep you coming back for more. Whether the chemists in Pupin leak salt into their fountains is up for debate, but there is definitely an addictive quality in the water’s taste.

Diana (FIJI) – This water is superb. Fill your Nalgene/S’well here! Feel free to pair it with a Poké bowl/Sushirrito from the Diana Cafe.

Image via WordPress