Alternative Responses To The Worst Question: What Are Your Post Grad Plans?

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Ugh, I bet all of these people got jobs at Goldman in October.

For those of us who are not being recruited for logical fields like consulting or finance, family events are particularly treacherous. What do you say when a non-millennial asks what you’re doing after you graduate? Saying the wrong thing can lead to follow-up questions your Creative Writing major did not prepare you for. Luckily, Staff Writer Megan Wylie is here to provide you some quick responses:

Recently, I was asked in Russian what my post-graduation plans were. I told my Step-Grandmother to translate my go-to response comprised of a longwinded explanation incorporating all my hopes and dreams, so imagine my surprise when I was then pelted with questions about how I’ve spent four years as a PoliSci and History major, and all I have to show for it is an ability to loosely define sovereignty. While this left me speechless and reaching for a glass of water,  I thought up some ways you can learn from my mistake:

  1. Let Julia Roberts answer this one for you: “I think I’m just gonna go to Bali and find myself, you know?”
  2. Praise your binge-watching skills by saying, “I think I’m gonna dedicate myself to film”
  3. Say that you’re going into computer science, and change the subject by offering to help them set up their new iPad.
  4. Point to them, say, “good question!” and hope they pick up on your awkward laughter
  5. Say you’re going into the hospitality business while you’re making an income off of putting your apartment on Airbnb at an inflated price
  6. Commit to going to the 2022 Olympics in something you can pick up fast, like luge!
  7. Confidently say,  “I’m gonna take a couple of years off and then go to law/business/journalism school,” but provide absolutely no concrete timeline so they can’t question when you’re still watching Black Mirror three years later
  8. Scream out one of those vague one-word professions, like litigation, or consulting. No one really knows what exactly that entails, but they’ll nod and pretend to know so they don’t look stupid
  9. Propose a time machine for the specific purpose of going back in time to inform your teenage self that the only way to have the assurance of employment is by focusing on science or math
  10. Turn the tables on them, and question what the fuck they’re doing with their lives
  11. Alternative choice, throw the closest person your age under the bus and ask them their post-grad plans
  12. Run to the closest exit with no warning and hope they get the message

Image via commencement.columbia.edu.

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