It is 100% possible that in a given alternate dimension, there’s a zombie apocalypse happening right now. As the zombies inch closer to our own dimension, Bwog staffer Sam Azanza thought it would be necessary to prepare for our impending doom. Considering we spend most of our time meandering around the black hole that is Columbia University, fellow Bwoggers sent in some tips in order to keep you safe from the undead.

spotted: zombies flying over the dodge pool

• In a man-made ice cube inside the Dodge swimming pool.
• Rachel Eisendrath’s office. She has enough knowledge of renaissance drama that I’m confident she could defend me from all harm.
• Teachers College basement. No zombie is intelligent enough to navigate it.
• Hewitt. No further explanation necessary.
• Diana event oval.
• Well Woman.
• ODS office in Barnard (because nobody knows where it is and there are lots of doors).
• Anywhere in the quad basement.
• Carlton Arms! It’s too far for the Zombies to shuffle all the way down.
• Inside a (turned off) Koronet’s oven.
• Pupin Roof.
• Pupin basement. I’m pretty sure it was sealed off after that one guy found leftover Manhattan Project uranium down there. So if you can get in you can just seal yourself in and also there’s probably still some leftover uranium.
• EC. Good luck getting that sign-in, zombies.
• Intro bio lecture with Prof. Hertz – boring enough to kill them again.
• CUMB closet. There are plenty of possible weapons in the miscie cart.
• Schermerhorn extension— the zombies will get lost.
• In an 8:40 econ class– everyone will already look like a zombie.
• Hamilton 8– the elevator will N E V E R get there, and I imagine that the stairs will pose a problem.

And this isn’t on campus but is partially owned by Barnard and Columbia, so,

• Black rock forest, in upstate NY. I would disappear into the trees, never to be seen again.

Pool via Columbia University

Zombies via Pinterest

Entire Collage via Real Life Experience