Disclaimer: Don’t follow this advice if you don’t want your GPA to fall.

On what day of the week should you start your weekend? This is a crucial question to consider, because the importance of weekends are truly unparalleled: they offer you the time to enjoy all things un-academic, like partying, travelling, or anything else you want to go absolutely bonkers over.

Here at Columbia, most classes aren’t even in session on Fridays. Because most classes are either in session on: (1) Tuesdays and Thursdays; or, (2) Mondays and Wednesdays– Fridays are generally seen as a free day on campus. Of course, naturally, this extra day without classes, Friday, incentivizes students to study some more. Or does it? Do students at Columbia actually get schoolwork done on Fridays? Can we really expect that much academic strive from college students?

I don’t think so, and you shouldn’t think so either.

Quite frankly, I’m a human susceptible to the illusion of “I’ll-do-that-assignment-fucking-later”. Procrastination runs through my veins, it’s a part of who I am, it stands out above everything else. Because of this, many students, like myself, have resorted to starting the weekend on Thursday nights. You must forget about all kinds of responsibilities as soon as your last class of the week is over. My weekend starts the second I pack my notebooks into my backpack, while I proactively and consciously tune out my professor’s voice from my head. After I hastily shove my half-assed notes into my backpack and take my ass out the lecture hall, the weekend finally starts, baby! “Oh, but I have Friday classes…”, you sigh. So what? Time is a social construct, and since classes are framed around specific timed intervals, classes aren’t real either. Don’t kid yourself. You don’t have classes.

There are so many benefits to starting the weekend early! Starting the weekend early is like a magic spell to extend the limits of time. All those Instagrammable spots in NYC that you wanted to visit but never could… you could visit them now with more time on your hands! Think about it, you can now get drunk for more nights (or even, days) in the week! That season of GoT you still need to catch up on? No worries, just leave it up to Friday. It’s just so good.

I even encourage you to start the weekend on a Wednesday night! Think about it. Do you really need to come prepared to class on Thursday? Nah! If you round up, Thursdays are practically Fridays, and Fridays are part of the weekend (which we have established as truth already). So, by the Transitive Property of Equality, Wednesday nights should constitute as part of the weekend. Last Wednesday, I was already drunk at 6pm. It was literally the best decision I’ve ever made in my life.

Take my advice: Start your weekends on Wednesday nights.

Good angel, bad devil via Max Pixel.