We know that double life is hard (in more ways than one) but that doesn’t excuse this kind of behavior. Just follow these six simple rules and free us from our torment.

1. Do not have sex while they are in the room. 
   • “Went to bed at like 10 pm so I’d be ready for my eight-hour work shift the next day. Woke up at midnight to the clear sounds of my roommate boning.”
   • “Was gonna sexile my roommate but she was already sleeping so we did it in the bathroom.”
2. If you’re going to sexile someone, at least have sex.
   • “My roommate once asked me if she could have the room. When she still wasn’t done at 2 am, I decided to tell her I really needed to sleep. She had been (as far as I could tell) working on a coding project the whole time.”
   • “[My freshman year roommate] sexiled me once and they didn’t even FUCK. They just made out for 3 hours.”
3. Let them know what’s going on (also lock the door).
   • “I walked in on my roommate having sex and the guy told me to ‘watch or leave.’ I then threw them out of the room.”
   • “My roommate once walked in on me and my ex making out twice in the same week. We learned to lock the door after that.”
4. Try to keep the awkwardness to a minimum.
   • “I’ve never really sexiled anyone, but once a roommate of mine did have to coexist with me and my very-recent-ex-s.o., with whom I had broken up while we were on spring break together a few days previously.”
   • “Guy tried to sexile his roommate but his roommate came in anyway at like 4 am and I had to do the dash the next morning so he wouldn’t see who I was because that would be embarrassing.”
   • “I once woke up at 3 am to the sounds of my roommate talking to a guy kind of intimately. Turns out they were just swiping through her Tinder but I was too afraid to open my eyes.”
   • “My roommate baked me cookies when I walked in on her and her bf naked.”
5. Let them sleep.
   • “Last semester I was sexiled at 2 am on a Monday morning during finals. I walked from the quad back to Butler and sat there waiting.”
   • “My roommate sexiled me while I was sick!”
   • “Made a good friend freshman year after he was sexiled by his Carman roomie and we literally proceeded to sit in the hallway until they were done”
   • “I once sexiled my roommate thinking that she would stay with a friend, but she changed her mind only I didn’t see the texts bc my phone was on do not disturb and I was…busy, so she sent a mutual friend to knock on my door and tell me that she needed to sleep.”
   • “My roommate sexiled me at 12:00 am while I was sitting in JJs, ready to head to bed the night before my very first Homecoming ever. I went back to my room at 6 AM. He was still there.”
6. For the love of all things holy, PLEASE don’t have sex while they’re still in the room! What is wrong with you?!?