Senior Xander Browne has some hilarious things to share with y’all.

Name, School, Major, Hometown:  Xander “Alexander” Browne, Columbia College, Theatre (Directing), Plymouth, NH

Claim to fame: played Rudolph the Coked-Up Reindeer in XMAS!11, directed XMAS!12, acted in 1000 CUSS sketches, sang with Columbia’s Oldest and FOINEST all four years, starred in a musical about moon rocks, and was in the 122nd annual Varsity Show (Columbia’s oldest performing arts tradition (in its 125th year (tickets are a charmingly accessible 1.25$)))

Where are you going? To the line where the sky meets the sea

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2023?  

Thing #1 I learned at Columbia: How to pretend to be working rEaLLy hard all the time oMg sO BuSy

Thing #2 I learned at Columbia: It’s really easy to be good at things but it’s really hard to FEEL good at things :/// #impostersyndrome

Thing #3 I learned at Columbia: Find friends who spark joy, if they don’t spark joy kick em to the kurb — a Kondo-Ke$ha Kollab

“Back in my day…” Back in my day EC was an oasis of luxury and bacchanalian revelry.  Back in my day the Kingsmen jackets were an aggressive, headache-inducing red instead of a sickly bougie baby blue.  Back in my day 20% more of the sadbois were straight.

Favorite Columbia controversy? That time when JJs became open 24/7 and then someone wrote an op-ed that was like “how DARE they ENCOURAGE the STRESS CULTURE” which was like valid but also can I please eat my curly fries at 4 in the morning without someone telling me about how strESSed I’m supposed to be

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: I’m 6’1″

What was your favorite class at Columbia? All the directing classes taught by Alice Reagan, also Rob King’s comedy class, maybe throw in Blackness and Comedy just for fun

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? : I am v i o l e n t l y lactose intolerant and I would give up oral sex, thank u.  God put us on this planet to suffer not sin #thebloodofchrist

Whom would you like to thank? I would like to thank every actor who’s ever had the misfortune of being directed by me and every director who has had the misfortune of directing me.  Also my family, Valium J-Hair, all future employers, and the good folks over at Notes and Keys. Also XMAS!, my thesis cast and crew, all my professors, and everyone I’ve ever been in a class with.  Also all the boys on campus with well-sculpted calves!!!! Keep up the good work.

One thing to do before graduating: throw yourself down Low Steps and see if anyone notices :)))

Any regrets? I wish I had danced in the rain, I wish I had felt the rays of sunlight on a crisp winter morn, I wish I had wished for the stars rather than settled for the moon.  But here I am, at the end of the road, and it all lies behind rather than ahead. There will always be a cherry blossom I did not kiss, a hand I did not hold, but there will never be a tear upon my cheek.  For I have lived, I have laughed, and I have loved. And what more can you ask for when the sleep of a thousand dreams comes to dickslap u in the face? ooh hohhohhoh I totally regret never going to office hours :((((