Connect with us

All Articles

A Love Letter To The Schapiro Elevators

ain’t she a beaut????

Looking for love in all the wrong places, Bwogger Miyoki Walker never thought she’d find that special someone. Little did she know, love was waiting for her just around the corner (of 115th and Broadway). 

From the second I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one. I thought, “Wow.  So this is what I’ve been looking for all along.” I wasn’t expecting to feel this way so soon, but who are we kidding? You’re different from the rest of them. You’re special. 

I wasn’t in the best place when we first met. I looked sweaty and deranged, wheeling my blue bin all over campus. I came to you with a lot of baggage. Literally. You must’ve thought I was crazy, but you rescued me anyway. I’ll never forget it. 

I wasn’t always sure you felt the same about me, but you’ve shown me time and time again that you care. When I’m running late, you rush to pick me up. When I’m having a rough time, you let me lean on you for support. When you pick a group of us up from the first floor, I know you’re only doing it for me.

I’ve had my heart broken before. Everyone else has disappointed me, deceived me, and disregarded my wellbeing. I sometimes wonder if they ever cared about me at all. Sure McBain’s lobby is cute, but the elevator is so clingy it’s suffocating. Hamilton’s wanted to take things slow, and it never felt like it was ready to commit. With you though, everything is perfect. 

I know we’ve only known each other for a short while, but I’ve never felt like this before. I love you, Schapiro elevators! I want to scream it from the rooftops! Or at least the sky lounge, which I’m sure you could take me to in a very timely manner!

The rest of them don’t accept what we have, but I don’t care what they think. If it’s wrong to be sexually attracted to an elevator, I don’t wanna be right. 

I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Schapiro elevators. I know nothing lasts forever and we’ll eventually be forced to part ways, torn apart by that heartless housing agreement, but we have each other right now. Let’s enjoy every second of it.  




Sexy elevator pic via Miyoki Walker

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.


Have Your Say

What should Bwog's new tagline be?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

They did Barnard yesterday. But to be fair, this is a Columbia College publication as is Spectator. Most clubs (read more)
Columbia Announces Reopening Plans For 2020-2021 Year
July 9, 2020
:) you're a shining star!!!!! (read more)
Senior Wisdom: Rania Siddique
July 8, 2020
The other deans also sent emails, but guess y'all will just ignore those because y'all think CC is the only (read more)
Columbia Announces Reopening Plans For 2020-2021 Year
July 8, 2020
did you ever get it? :( (read more)
Fake It Till You Make It
July 8, 2020

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel