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Name, School, Major, Hometown: Ariana Chuback, Barnard College, Cellular & Molecular Bio and English Concentrating in Creative Writing, Armonk, NY

Claim to fame: Somehow always knowing the behind-the-scenes of all the Barnard admin drama.

Where are you going? Nowhere… the lease I signed because I thought classes would be in person in the fall ends in July. After that, hopefully somewhere in this city that is not Morningside Heights.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2025?

1. Focus on the learning, less on the grades. And have fun with school!! I know it sounds so cliche, but honestly, you will do better if you care more about actually understanding what you’re learning rather than memorizing everything just to regurgitate it on an exam and immediately forgetting it. What’s the point of paying all this money just to be absolutely miserable?

2. There’s no “right” way to do college. Just like there’s no “right” way to be a pre-med. Everybody always tries to tell you what to do, how to do it, and oftentimes, their advice straight-up sucks. Literally, just do what feels right to you. Enjoy your time in college as much as you can and make the most of what you’ve got!

3. Go to office hours!! I really wish I utilized office hours way more because it really does make a difference. Go and ask questions even if they’re stupid. Or just go and talk about life. Your professors want to get to know you!

“Back in my day…” We had to participate in hand-to-hand combat in order to get the front row middle seat in a pre-med class.

Favorite Columbia controversy? The Barnard Dad Hat drama. It all started because Beilock managed to scrounge a vintage dad hat out from somewhere and publicly gave it to JJ Abrams on Instagram. Cue the chaos.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? There are wayyyy too many classes that I loved that I can’t quite pick one. So, since this is MY rodeo, here’s a list of a few of my favorite classes in no specific order:

1. Studies in African-American Literature with Prof Farah Griffin (made me actually want to go to class during a panasonic)

2. Microbiology with Prof JJ Miranda (I do research in his lab now… so you can say I enjoyed the class, to say the least)

3. Playwriting I with Prof Ellen McLaughlin (one of the scariest and best experience of my life)

4. Gender Justice with Prof Katherine Franke (what I learned in boating school is… nobody has rights we all suffer)

5. Victorian Literature with Prof Jayne Hildebrand (vic lit is the reality tv of its time fight me on this)

6. World Literature Revisited I with Prof Ati Akbari (Iranian Prof & stellar content, doesn’t get better than this folks!)

7. Organic Chemistry I & II with Prof Dina Merrer (am I psychotic for saying this?)

8. Behavior and Biology of Living Primates with Prof Marina Cords (google aye-aye right now I dare you)

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? If my lactose intolerant ass ever willingly gives up cheese please 5150 me immediately.

Whom would you like to thank? I would like to thank all my friends and family for keeping me sane for the past 4 years and for always believing in me even when I’m feeling insecure. Y’all are the real ones :’) One thing to do before graduating: Use my student ID to get as many discounts as possible…suggestions?

Any regrets? I regret not taking more classes. There are so many cool courses and amazing professors, and I feel like I’m missing out on so much. But alas, that’s life!

Portrait via Ariana