Tired of not knowing what Co–Star’s Do/Don’t section is trying to tell you? Here’s some guidance for your time in Morningside Heights based on your sign.

It’s no secret that Barnard’s and Columbia’s (ok, maybe just Barnard’s) favorite app is Co–Star. From the time I joined campus last fall, I couldn’t escape the buzz about the astrological social networking site with an aesthetic interface and Gen-Z-friendly horoscopes. After being peer pressured to download it, I checked my chart updates daily, engaging with nearly every component of the app except one key section.

Every time I open the Co–Star app, I’m often met with confusion when I scroll down to my “Do” and “Don’t” section. For those unfamiliar, Co–Star recommends activities, objects, and feelings to embrace or avoid based on your chart that day. I think the premise is fun, but I’m often left staring at shit like:

Napkins? Veganaise? What am I supposed to do with that information?

It’s been about nine months since I downloaded Co–Star, and I’ve had the opportunity to do some of my own extracurricular reading about astrology to help me familiarize myself with the signs, houses, and planets. Today, I’ll be creating some Columbia-themed Co–Star-style do’s and don’t’s for navigating the rest of the school year based on your astrological sign.

Aries (March 21 to April 19)

Do:

  • Human Rights major
  • Platform shoes
  • Being the first person to talk in your Socratic discussion

Don’t

  • Impulse buying Starbucks
  • Cutting the JJ’s sandwich line
  • Taking the Hamilton elevator to Floor 3

Taurus (April 20 to May 20)

Do:

  • Milbank Hall
  • Laying on the grass on the Butler Lawns
  • Max Caffe

Don’t

  • Same dining hall everyday
  • Working in your bed
  • Getting mad when sophomores show up to Senior Night

Gemini (May 21 to June 21)

Do:

  • Chatting with your dorm’s security guards
  • Low Beach
  • Attending speaker events on campus

Don’t

  • Flaking on dinner plans with your friends
  • Monopolizing dicussion sections
  • Signing up for 20 clubs at Club Fair

Cancer (June 22 to July 22)

Do:

  • East Asian library
  • Cooking brownies for your hallmates
  • 111th Street People’s Garden

Don’t

  • Hibernating in your dorm
  • Lerner Hall
  • Forgetting you have $400 dining dollars until April

Leo (July 23 to August 22)

Do:

  • Postcrypt Coffeehouse
  • Skipping classes to watch famous actors film near campus
  • Patterned shirts

Don’t

  • Foreplay in Butler
  • Quitting your favorite club because you don’t get chosen for leadership
  • Ignoring your advisor’s emails

Virgo (August 23 to September 22)

Do:

  • Planning out your classes two weeks before registration
  • Computer science major
  • Express train

Don’t

  • Entire weekend at the library
  • Fixating on your classmate’s LinkedIn
  • Crying in Butler Ref

Libra (September 23 to October 23)

Do:

  • Barnard Zine Library
  • Midi skirt to your 8:40 am class
  • Hungarian Pastry Shop

Don’t

  • Changing your major five times
  • Pretending you’re not mad at your roommate
  • Convincing yourself you don’t need to ask for an extension

Scorpio (October 24 to November 21)

Do:

  • Discovering a new floor in the Schermerhorn Extension
  • Literary magazine
  • Volunteering for Nightline

Don’t

  • Hooking up with your suitemate
  • Cold shoulder to your group project members
  • Mudd Building

Sagittarius (November 22 to December 21)

Do:

  • Going downtown more than anyone you know
  • Taking a philosophy class for fun
  • Philolexian Society

Don’t

  • Overheated debate in your CC class
  • Avoiding your paper due tomorrow
  • Unwashed dishes

Capricorn (December 22 to January 19)

Do:

  • Joe’s Coffee
  • Game theory classes
  • Graduating a semester early

Don’t

  • Skipping dinner to work on a problem set
  • Asking your friend to Venmo you back for the sip they took from your coffee
  • Business and Economics Library

Aquarius (January 20 to February 18)

Do:

  • Corduroy pants
  • A class you can’t fully explain to your parents (preferably in the Comparative Literature department)
  • Selfie with the shrimp boat

Don’t

  • Economics major
  • Not cleaning up after dying your hair in the suite bathroom
  • Silent at your CPS appointment

Pisces (February 19 to March 20)

Do:

  • Recharging in Central Park
  • Walking the length of Manhattan in a day
  • Poetry workshop

Don’t

  • Spiraling because you don’t know what you’re going to do after graduating
  • JJ’s every day during finals
  • Forgetting to call your mom back

Zodiac via Bwog Archives