We’d like to thank the rats and UWriting.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Anthony Ozerov, Columbia College, Statistics and Computer Science, Moscow (Russia, not Idaho)

Claim to fame: I can bend my fingers backwards >45° without pushing on them with the other hand or anything.

Where are you going? Staying at my place rn, hbu?

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2027?

  • It’s totally possible to go to Columbia and not end up in finance or tech.
  • If you want a group study space in the evening go to the Math building, they always have huge classrooms open with a chalkboard & projector.
  • Classes are a lot easier if you attend them.

“Back in my day…” It was 2019 and times were precedented.

Favorite Columbia controversy? That time when the university charged us a full activities fee after closing everything in Spring 2020, then refunded it two years later. And here I was thinking students were the ones on financial aid…

What was your favorite class at Columbia? UWriting obviously. Isn’t that everyone’s favorite?

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? This question was clearly written by someone who hasn’t had a bagel with soft goat cheese.

Whom would you like to thank? The rodents of NYC. On campus, on the subway, and at home, they’re always there for you. Special thanks to the nest of rats in the alley beside 500 W 110th st.

One thing to do before graduating: The swim test. Columbia has a checklist of other important things to do, like setting your address in Vergil/SSOL so that they send the diploma to the right place

Any regrets? No regrets.

Portrait via Anthony