I don’t know if this is just a personal experience, but Barnumbia’s dining halls have been frustratingly enigmatic in their hours, menus, and general operation recently. All I ask is, why?

Dining on campus might be my least favorite part of attending this institution. It’s no shock that they’re not necessarily the picture of elegant cuisine or fine dining, but what has been shocking me recently is their lack of coordination (in every sense of the word). I just have a few questions for them.

Diana: Why are you always closed? Friday night feels like prime burrito bowl time, so why is it that you close at 3pm? Why would you ever close at 3 pm in general? Why are you serving your late-night menu at 6pm on a Sunday? Why does getting food here make me feel like I need someone to perform a wellness check on me? I have so many questions.

Hewitt: Why has the line been so long that it reaches the first floor of Barnard hall since the start of the semester? Why is the swipe system broken? Why are you the go-to for all of the male athletes? Why is the food so bad all of the time? Why do we have an ice cream machine now? Why aren’t you open before 11 am? Why did you host a hot wing competition, and why did participants have to sign a waiver to do it?

Ferris: Why didn’t my BCID work until the first day of classes? Do you hate women? Why is the omelet line always 30 people long? Why don’t your soda machines have ice, like, ever? Why can’t I get strawberries before 11 am? Why are you essentially the only dining hall open on the weekends?

John Jay: Why are you closed on Fridays and Saturdays? Why is it always so hot and steamy in the dining room? 

JJ’s: Why does it smell like that in there? Why can I only use two express swipes? Why does my body enter fight or flight whenever I enter this establishment? Why is the milkshake machine always broken?

General questions: Why do I always feel the overwhelming sense that Barnumbia is trying to starve me? Why are there only two dining halls open on Fridays and Saturdays? Why does getting food feel like the social equivalent to the Hunger Games? Why are the menus never accurate?

These are just my most basic questions. I would love to get some answers, whether crowd sourced or from Barnumbia itself. Feel free to comment or email tips@bwog.com with your guesses.

Ferris via Bwarchives