Anna Pei and Coco, who you can follow on Insta: @cocoatcolumbia

You’ve seen them happily playing with their owners around campus. You’ve wondered how to approach them while hurrying to make your 4:10. Now, Bwog presents the definitive guide to catching the attention of the coolest canines on campus (and their owners too, I guess).

  1. Make sure to walk around campus during peak activity hours, especially on sunny days. I usually find the hours from 10 to 2 to have good four-footed traffic, though if you’re into athletic types you can try the early morning joggers.
  2. Practice your barking and sniffing. Know the difference between “Hi! Can we play?” and “Your butt smells bad.” (I know it’s elementary stuff, but it bears repeating.)
  3. Carry a bag of dog treats around with you to discreetly attract the dog. Don’t forget to reassure the owner that they’re definitely not roofies and you just need to de-stress after reading 18 Odyssey chapters all in one sitting.
  4. Get a Barkr account so you can start swiping right on all the dogs you want to meet up with for puppucinos. If you ever swipe left, please stop reading this article and go think about your life choices.
  5. Talk to the owner and ask. If they deny a petting opportunity, invoke your Twenty-Eighth Amendment Right to free dog access. It’ll be ratified any day now…
  6. Be sure to bring your resume with dog walking experience, solid contacts, and the number of languages in which you can say “Good boy/girl!”
  7. Be prepared for tough interview questions, such as “Who are you and why are you holding my dog?” and “Hey, STOP RUNNING!”
  8. After you meet up, be sure to send a beautiful letter within 24 hours thanking them for the experience and communicating your enthusiasm for the encounter. Best to leave a lasting impression!