caution, yikes

Columbia University very own Crime Blotter details the scoop of what is REALLY happening on campus. This week’s edition features Bwogger Leo Bevilacqua’s truly horrifying discovery. 

On May 20th, one resident of Wien 4 opened his door to a truly heinous sight. On either side of his door, two identical pools of vomit lay equidistant. Bemused, bothered and bewildered, this poor resident experienced something similar to what most contestants on the ill-fated game show on Nickelodeon: Legends of the Hidden Temple must have felt. With Indiana Jones-like stealth, the self-proclaimed “Wien-er” made his way to the shared bathroom where lo and behold another pool of tangerine, chunky vomit leaked out of a urinal.

The Wien community, not known for a luxurious accommodation despite the extra chandelier in its lounge, was shaken by the disturbance. Other residents shuddered as they carefully made their ways around the pools of puke. Desperation and dread seized the community, a dread far surpassing that when most of them learned of their housing assignments for the academic year.

Before long, a panic seized Wien 4. “Wein-ers” were accusing their fellow floor mates, eyeing each other with suspicion and attempting to uncover the culprit.

At around 4 pm, an unfortunate Columbia University Facilities worker was tasked with the cleanup. The resident most plagued was filled with relief but also pity for the Facilities worker, whose ashen face revealed the horror that other “Wien-ers” could barely begin to express.

As of 1:38 pm today, the culprit is still at large with no accusations or suspicions sticking. Residents of Wien 4 have been put on high alert and have been cautioned to not let such a catastrophe ruin the community and morale.

To the serial puker, I have nothing but contempt for you and a hope that you turn yourself in and perhaps hold off on that last shot of tequila, “These Days” be damned.

yellow sign via Pixabay