Eben teaches us to eat like adults and read our comic books.

Name, School, Major Hometown: Eben “H___ ___p___ Hess”, CC, Anthropology, Manhattan.

Claim to fame: Having undisputed mastery over all things lentil. Having disputed mastery over all things lentil when it involves adding dates. Saying, “Get an adult’s taste palette, you children,” defying the critics and winning the Potluck House presidency for a second term.

*And beating past Wise Senior CRDB in each table game he’s bragged about

Where are you going? Somewhere in Bavaria, Germany (TBD) to teach English for a year. Telling URF that I knew what I wanted to do after that was aspirational. 

What are three things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2028?

1. Butler has the best collection of comics and graphic novels! 20,000 distinct titles, fiction and nonfiction, indie and mainstream. Come for the beautiful art, the stories that can only be told through the juxtaposition of text and visuals or, at the very least, the fact that you can read a graphic novel in a fraction of the time that it would take to read a prose novel.
2. Do your household chores consistently (and well) when you live with a roommate! Not doing that is the easiest and stupidest way to get into a fight with someone that you have absolutely no reason to be angry at.
3. When you find someone who makes you feel loved whenever you see them, keep them around. If they (plural) don’t immediately show themselves, keep putting yourself out there—sincerity attracts sincerity.

“Back in my day…” Some guy used my bathroom floor like a desktop box of Kleenex.

Favorite Columbia lore? That we started Anthropology?

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Fiction Writing with Jenny Boylan. She makes you laugh! You try to make her laugh! Your writing gets way better!

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? Oh no, I already gave up cheese…

Whom would you like to thank? All the people (friends, professors, family, etc.) who have the patience to listen to me as I speak at one word per minute. Going from a child that reads to an adult that speaks has been a trial, one that would have no hope of completion without steady encouragement.

One thing to do before graduating? Read a comic. Chat with Karen Green (Curator for Comics and Cartoons), tell her the types of stories you like to read/watch/play and get a couple recommendations. I’m serious.

Any regrets? Not visiting Hewitt earlier. Sometimes the food is genuinely great; other times, it saves me from a sickening Ferris breakfast.

Eben via Eben