Safety is key, especially when it comes to my iced shaken espresso.

Following recent news that both the Barnard and Columbia campuses will only be accessible to those with a BC/CUID, known as campus level “B”, the stores offering mobile drink orders have chosen to do the same.

“We get so many stolen drinks here from the mobile order shelf, we just thought ‘why not do the same thing as the admin to lower the level of stealing?’ Plus, our investors are already complicit in genocide, anyway,” said one Starbucks employee, before shooing away the Bwog reporters on the case to make yet another iced oat milk chai latte.

‘Yeah… we just kinda do whatever Starbucks does… but later, and worse.” Stated one Dunkin’ employee while rolling up a blunt mid-shift. “Plus,” they added on, “The only people who come here are homesick Massachusetts kids, Plimpton residents, or people who finally forgot about that incident last year. So, when you think about it, our level B system is just about as useless as Columbia’s.”

Pret refused to comment, as they are “too good for that,” and then continuously asked a group of five students to make a subscription account together… so good luck on that one.

So, where does one turn to when all their favorite mobile order places require ID and they left it in their dorm? The solution: actually ordering in person at Oren’s, Qahwah House, or Hungarian. I know, it takes a lot of effort to make noise with your mouth and speak to a customer service employee, but it will all be worth it in the end for that quick caffeine boost you need to get you through finals.

Image via Bwarchives