For those of you who don’t know, James Valentini–or Deantini, as we affectionately call him–is the Dean of Columbia College. Unfortunately, he seems to have lost his way. Alone in the cruel, cruel world of Columbia University, he wanders forlornly around campus without direction. Just as a wise young bird once asked, “Are you my mother?”, Deantini peers around corners, looks into abandoned classrooms, and wonders if he has a place in this world.

Poor Deantini

But there’s hope for our dear, lost Deantini. Handily located by the Office of Undergraduate Admissions, Deantini has discovered his salvation: a map of Columbia University. Deantini has shown us that a simple map, usually most helpful to confused tourists or distraught first-years, can provide solace to even the most seasoned Columbia denizens. Without shame, he whips out his smartphone and carefully sets up the picture (you only get one chance, after all) and finally snaps his life-saving image.

One question remains unanswered, however: was there no time for Deantini to surreptitiously look up a map on his smartphone?*

*CU also has an app with a campus map, but we won’t go there.

Photo courtesy of Mason Amelotte