Sep

11

The Unofficial Official Post-NSOP Checklist

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How many NSOP memories did you make on a crowded subway car?

A few weeks ago, Bwog posted a bucket list for NSOP 2018. In contrast to the genuine recommendations posted on Bwog, an anonymous user took a different take on the week. Here is a checklist to determine how your NSOP went, inspired by the anonymous comment. Keep track of how many points you earn. (1 check = 1 point)

  1. Cried.
  2. Kept your lanyard on all day, everyday. (PLUS 1 point if you kept it on when you slept)
  3. Forgot your CUID and/or your dorm keys.
  4. Woke up in a pile of sweat (1 point), hungover (1 point), or in a pile of sweat hungover (2 points).
  5. Ate in a dining hall alone and pretended like you were fine.
  6. Recognized someone from Instagram but were too awkward to say “hey.”
  7. Checked Guidebook one too many times.
  8. Got signed into a dorm by someone you didn’t know.
  9. Got drinks at Mel’s and 1020 despite having an NSOP bracelet on…and the fact that you look like you’re 12. (PLUS 1 point if you ran into your OL or RA at the bar)
  10. Met a random intoxicated girl on the subway back from a NYC Welcome Week event, carried her back to her dorm, heard her life story including how “tequila is in her blood,” and held her hair back while she is vomiting up tequila and telling you how thankful she is to have a best friend like you…but you don’t even know her name.
  11. Wanted to run away and hide during the most uncomfortable, mandatory “sibling hangout” ever.
  12. Ran into that one kid from your high school that lets everyone know that they read the Iliad in the original Greek.
  13. Met 300 girls named Sophia.
  14. Overheard someone talk about their AP scores, ACT/SAT scores, or anything about how great they were during high school (no one cares).
  15. Got a late night milkshake somewhere in MoHi.
  16. You or someone you know got CAVAed and begged them not to call your parents.
  17. Got lost on the subway…at night…by yourself..
  18. Prayed for JJ’s to open.
  19. Took a picture with Alma even though she wasn’t into you.
  20. Took pictures of you “venturing into the city” when you only spent time in Times Square / Midtown

How did you do?

0-3 — Did you even NSOP?

4-7 — You’re a SURVIVOR!!!

8-11 — Great Job. You probably had an awful (but eventful) NSOP

12-17 — I’m so sorry…

18+ — You win (?) NSOP and should reconsider your life choices.

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