Your Seat In Milstein, Yourself: An Anthropological Analysis
Written by Zoe Sottile
There are a lot of ways to find out who you are: you can read your horoscope, take the Myers-Briggs test, get your palms read. Or, you can read this post and find out what your preferred seating in the brand spanking new Milstein Center reveals about you.
The green chairs by the windows: You’re going to fall asleep. You’ve fooled yourself by thinking that you’re going to be productive at the library. But you are just that: a fool. Have fun napping with the sweet afternoon sun on your face.
The big blue couch things: Honestly you’re a mystery. Who sits here? Are you supposed to sit horizontally or vertically? I don’t know! Right now I can see some people sitting there and they look nice, I guess.
The V-benches: You’re hot. We get it! You look really good today and you want everyone to see.
Tables on the second floor: You! Are! Cruising! When you walk through the turnstiles the noise makes everyone look up so they know you are on the market, baby. You sit at a table with other people and watch literally everyone walk by. You are a single woman on the prowl. Maybe a recent divorcee.
Study carrels: You’re kind of a loner! A lone wolf, some might say. You take your studying seriously. The Millie equivalent of Butler: you’re not here to fuck around.
Small tables on the first floor: Wholesome! You’re social and friendly. You’re probably studying with friends and hoping to run into people you know. You’re like, the picture on the cover of a Barnard brochure, probably.
The zine stacks: 80% chance you’re wearing some combination of mustard yellow, hoop earrings, and a denim skirt. Bonus points for a floral tattoo or Chelsea boots.
The stairwell: You’re trapped and calling your friends for help haha sucker.
Group study room: If you’re actually with a group: you probably have your shit super together if you managed to get to the library early enough to secure one of these bad boys. You’re probably working on a group project or collaborating on a study guide, you hard worker you. On the other hand, if you’re alone: you’re an asshole. You’re probably a white man.
On the terrace: You’re having a really dramatic conversation with your friend and you want everyone to see it. Bonus points if you’re on the phone. Bonus bonus points if the conversation isn’t actually dramatic, you’re just making it look like it by stomping back and forth across the balcony. Or: you are a bee.
Image via Bwog Archives.