Aug

25

How To Comment On Bwog

Written by

Today, our new comment policy goes live. You can read it in full here.

In light of this long-awaited update, we’ve taken a close look at the vastly different ways commenters have expressed themselves in the past, and can now provide this guide to everything else you need to know about commenting on Bwog.

If you’ve never used the internet before and/or are a member of the class of 2016, you might be wondering how to go about expressing your deepest and darkest feelings in the comments section of a Bwog post. Well, it’s pretty easy, as long as you follow these simple rules:

#1

Remember to proofread before posting a contrarian opinion—this is the most important rule on the Internet. You will get called out on your misuse of “their”/”there” and it will invalidate every word of the diatribe you just spent all of Frontiers crafting, 100 percent of the time. No exceptions have ever been documented.

#2

When eviscerating a commenter’s opinions on the basis of his or her typos, make sure to question whether that commenter even goes here. Inclusion of a fun throwaway like “amirite?” or “LOLOL” is optional, but encouraged—it will show the other commenters that you’re one of them, and should be rewarded as such with an endless stream of Thumbs-Up.

#3

Use the word “vitriol.” A lot. People will think you’re thoughtful.

#4

At some point or another, you will know rage after stumbling upon a comment that stands for everything you know and hate about this godforsaken school (Note: by this point, you will refer to Columbia as “this godforsaken school”), and you will want to post a reply.

Your fury will drive you to craft the most beautifully written antithesis the internets have ever seen. When you’re finally ready to share this gift with the plebs, make sure to post it as a reply.  It will otherwise materialize as a new comment just far enough down from the original to make it seem like an isolated, senile rant—and that’s just embarrassing.

#5

Want to know what kind of Lit-Hum allusion will show other commenters that you possess the ideal mix of intellectual prowess, dry wit, and humility, AND you still make time to do all your reading? None—get off of Bwog, and go do your reading.

#6

If you see any combination of the following phrases within a single comment, do not take the bait: “Barnard,” “art history major,” “white guilt,” any reference to race/ethnicity in conjunction with a clearly fabricated statistic about crime, “misogyny” and its derivatives, “social construct,” “bring back Ahmadinejad,” anything starting with “objectively speaking,” and “for the love of god, Bwog, where is Harmony?”

#7

You know how when you click “Track” above a specific comment, comments made by the same user are automatically highlighted? That works for everyone. Save yourself the 20 minutes it’d take you to come up with a clever pseudonym for your follow-up comment praising the intelligence and bravery of your first comment, and the self-deprecatory knowledge that all you could come up with in 20 minutes was “CC ’13″—use a proxy to hide your IP address like everyone else.

#8

Compliment our inevitably blurry cellphone pics and unabashed use of lame puns frequently. Thx<3u

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27 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    It is confusing to your readers and poor form to make a list composed of both sincere and sarcastic items. C+

  2. Anonymous

    "When you’re finally ready to share this gift with the plebs, make sure to post it as a reply."

    But when you fail the captcha and the page reloads, you lose the "reply" flag. Unless you click on "reply" again, Bwog will consider what you submit a new comment.

    In addition, whenever somebody else makes a comment at the exact same time you're making one (even on a different post), you're given a "posting too fast" message.

    These are bugs that have been happening for a long time.

  3. Anonymous

    For the love of god, Bwog, where is Harmony?

  4. silent lion

    no comment ;>)

  5. Anonymous

    Anyone in need of a very small fridge? 40 bucks.

  6. Anonymous

    Funny article, hits too close to home for most bwog commenters!

  7. Anonymous

    best bwog post of all time

  8. Anonymous

    This is genius.

  9. Anonymous

    VITRIOL VITRIOL VITRIOL VITRIOL VITRIOL VITRIOL VITRIOL VITRIOL

  10. Anonymous

    your funny guy lol

  11. Anonymous

    Ha! This is hilarious, and so true. Especially #5

  12. all this does

    is make people go look up synonyms for "vitriol"

  13. Anonymous

    Objectively speaking, commenting policies are just another social construct that we fall victim to if we don't follow the Socratic method in our daily lives. AMIRITE?

  14. Anonymous

    Objectively speaking, Barnard has exploited white guilt into a crisis of white collar crime. The unfortunate side effect of letting women and minorities become strong and independent is the raising of a new generation of amoral supervillains. Did you know that 95% of those convicted of identify theft are Indians? They're passing themselves off as Native Americans so they can secure scholarships for their art history majors. If we bring back Ahmadinejad, he'll know how to put those people in their place. Misogyny has somehow become a four-letter word. If we do that, we can create a new social construct built on proper values. But that's not gonna happen, thanks to the vitriol of those so-called peaceniks that somehow don't agree with the enlightened leader of Iran. Why can't we get the civility and happiness that we all deserve? Why do we allow those people to divide us? For the love of god, Bwog, where is harmony?

  15. Anonymous

    What is the function of boxing a comment?

  16. Anonymous

    bwog.com/circlejerk? I'd dig it.

  17. Anonymous

    You forgot about how CUCR is always inviting Ahmedinejad, even when they aren't.

  18. demosthenes  

    you forgot: don't try to solve the entire israeli-palestinian conflict and bring world peace via bwog comments
    Unless you want to become president of the world. as in, http://xkcd.com/635/

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