Mar

12

Personals: Mouseketeer Edition

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Senor Pancho enjoys long strolls on the beach and fine wines.

You’ve seen them around campus, in your friends’ room, in your room, in your bed..? We’re speaking, of course, about your friendly neighborhood mice! Here, Bwog presents five cute li’l critters who are just looking for some love in a lonely world. Hit them up (if you dare).

Señor Pancho:

Senor Pancho enjoys long strolls on the beach and fine wines.

Senor Pancho enjoys long strolls on the beach and fine wines.

Originally my family hails from the hinterlands of Malaga, but I spent my youth on the Mediterranean coast, hopping from ship to ship with my father and forty-seven sisters on his adventurous business trips. Essentially raised by my sisters while my father brought home the cheese, I developed compassionate instincts as well as a security in my masculinity early on. In these years on the sea, an unquenchable thirst for open water was born in me that endures to this day. At the age of one, I left the Mediterranean for New York City, and that journey remains the greatest experience of my life. Today I live in a spacious and warm ventilation shaft on the top floor of Carman Hall at Columbia University, overlooking the Hudson River of course. I also maintain a modest yacht with the New York Yacht Club for weekend getaways on the water or to the Hamptons. I am looking for a companion who won’t mind my tough work schedule, who I can converse with casually en français, who loves to be out and about, and who will always want to set sail.

Dead Maus:

We didn't want to actually give you a dead mouse so there's an "x" over his eyes.

We didn’t want to actually give you a dead mouse so there’s an “x” over his eyes.

I’m not actually dead, I just like to sit in dirt and garbage. I grew up in a fancy building called McBain where there was all sorts of food lying around, but that lavish lifestyle was never for me. I prefer to roll with a different crowd; we hang out a lot in concert halls you’ve never heard of. But I’m starting to get tired of roaming the streets alone/I want a steady mwb (mouse with benefits). You: have dirty fur and maybe missing part of your tail. Be always down to party, in and out of the bed, sometimes with multiple mice.

If this sounds like your scene, hit me up. I don’t have a phone, but I like to hang outside Butler Library ’cause the smoke reminds me of a fog machine. rAve iS LyFE, PArTy 4 evEr

 

Robespierre:

Watch your head around this one.

Watch your head around this one.

Virtue may be the soul of democracy, but my soul consists of something decidedly less saintly. I grew up in a small French bakery on Amsterdam, but I’ve always known that I was destined for greater things. My fate was to be free, to attain la liberté! I wanted to travel to the farthest corners of the earth, or at least up to 125th street. I wanted to sit on the steps of Low like all of those college students my aunt told me about. Yes, I was raised by my aunt, because my mother died when I was but a child, and my father left us soon after. But this has only made me more devoted to the cause, because I know that I do not need anyone to tell me what to do.

After leaving my home in the bakery, I traveled to a cozy room in a building on 113th and Broadway. Believe me, it took me a long time to get there, especially since I was carrying a whole baguette with me for sustenance. When I got to my room, I saw two students living there as well, and I could sense that we would be the best of friends. Perhaps we would even start a revolution! I hope that soon I will be able to convince them to speak out against this “Prezbo” I hear so much about. Down with the tyrants! Sometimes, the king must die so that the country can live.

Theodore:

cuties on grindr

cuties on grindr

Hey there! I’m Theodore, but if you get to know me well enough I’ll be your Teddy ;)  I’m on Grindr because I like to chill out and always want some company… also I nicknamed my grinder Grindr and thought someone might find that funny.  I’m only a freshmouse and a bit of homebody but sometimes I go to Amigo’s when it’s late and I’m hungry which is super super fun and amazing!   I live in Furnald right now which is nice because it’s quiet and I can sleep and watch movies and nobody minds that I smoke sometimes.

But you know, Columbia is a big place and it can get a little cold for a little guy like me, so I wonder if there’s anyone else out there who likes hanging out and snuggling.  If we meet up I’ll definitely smoke you out and we can listen to some trippy electronic albums my friend from Seattle sent me… they’re by this dude Terry Riley who is so cooooool!  I guess I’m also interested in seeing the city more, but the subway mice are a little too edgy for me.  Maybe some day I’ll be like them, but for now I’ll need your help, hehehe. :)

Goes to Brooklyn. Often.

Goes to Brooklyn. Often.

Ralph:

Hey girl. I’m a feminist, you’re a feminist. Sometimes I like to stroll through Brooklyn and find works of street art to admire. My favorite restaurant is Tom’s (I’m not a Seinfeld fan, I just love that diner feel—so authentic!), but I’m always game for the latest fusion trend. Maybe we could give freeganism a try sometime. I live in Hartley because it’s just got that gritty, raw feel, you know? Who needs comfortable furniture when you can feel young and free and alive! My hobbies include DJing on the weekends, record collecting, and yarn bombing. Hit me up. I know you’ll love my whiskers.

 

 

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3 Comments

  1. copy edits  

    I’m Theodore, but if you get to know me well enough I’ll let you be your Teddy"

  2. Peaches  

    The one(s) on the 4th floor is (are) named Alfonso, and he's a stand-up guy as well.

  3. hmm  

    where's mouse zedong?

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