Columbia is FABULOUS!

We’ve been scouring both Barnard and Columbia campuses this weekend looking for potential homies, but even first-years agree that this year’s batch of prospies looks like they just graduated the eighth grade. However, we know that there is at least one prospie stoner (cough LA kids cough) wandering around MoHi on this rainy Monday afternoon looking for a place to light up, so naturally Bwog’s gotchu covered. Even for the kids that won’t take their first hit until they storm the city in August, there are tips in this guide that can help you out. Take note, newbies, as we bring to you the first edition of Bwog’s Official Prospie Guide to 4/20.

• Download Venmo.
• If your host is making brownies, it is not for their bake sale in Diana tomorrow. This is a very different kind of ‘baking,’ everyone.
• People are not happy/smiley/relaxed like they are today every other day of the year at Columbia. Relish this novelty.
• Venture to the Barnard Quad and follow the “marijuana odor.”
• Ask your host to Febreze you before you meet up with your parents later in the day.
• Pray to a holy spirit that JJs Place is serving mozzarella stix.
• Watch Broad City (you should be doing this every day of the year, but especially today).
• As you take a toke and wish to share your intake with the world via Snapchat to show that you’re a cool cat (#millennial), be sure to use the “NYC LIFE” filter. Or alternatively, the Alma Mater or “Barnard” filters.
• Go to the Amsterdam overpass late at night to light up, or head in the direction of SIPA. You can look out on this big, bustling city through your glassy, red eyes! Wow, urban colleges RULE!
• Riverside is always the move, just be sure to bring an umbrella on this rainy day. You’ll definitely catch a bunch of Barnard first-years in the park doing the same as a means of escaping the wrath of their overbearing Quad RAs.
• Tag an instagram pic of you smoking a joint with the hashtags #columbia2019 or #roar2019. yaaaa buddy.

Lastly… 

• If you’re in desperate need of finding bud, build a shrine outside of McBain Hall (located on 113th and Broadway) and etch the initials “MG” into the concrete. If you do this, an eighth for $35 will magically appear in your hand.

My host showed me a good time via Shutterstock