Simone Norman

Up next for Senior Wisdoms, we bring you Barnard’s resident funny gal, Simone Norman.

Name, School, Major, Hometown: Simone Norman, Barnard, Psychology/Linguistics major and Italian minor, from Eastchester, New York

Claim to fame: Recent president of Chowdah Sketch Comedy, current Co-President of Control Top Improv, various XMAS!’s and other hot theater stuff. If you took Intro to Psych I probably tested you for my study in the Speech Perception Lab.

Where are you going? Staying in Morningside, baby! I have to take a few post-bacc classes & the GRE to get ready for grad school in Speech Pathology.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2019?

1. Never turn down free wine! even if you gotta drink it right before your Italian convo class and it makes all your sentences into slurred compliments of your sultry Venetian professor.

2. Our campus mascots are paid more than probably most of working-class America. (Though I am not in any way disparaging Millie or Roarie!!! you guys fucking rule and I wish I could have donned your sweaty fur suits to jump around our sporting events)

3. The first floor bathroom in Barnard Hall is the perfect spot for the ol’ selfie-on-the-toilet moment. Sometimes your day just needs one of those.

“Back in my day…” The gluten-free section in Hewitt was a small table with a few plates of watermelon and a fridge full of old Lactaid cartons…you could easily sneak into Ferris with some tagteam dual-floor coordination….and I was always overhearing something like, “Look how nice the magnolia tree looks in the pic, I got this cool new app called Instagram that makes all your photos look really vintage!!” Oh, and all-female comedy was justttt getting its foot in the door on campus.

Justify your existence in 30 words or fewer: Lover Of Dogs And Language And Science And Laughs, Will Always Go To Suite To Dance With You And Grab Some Aloo Fries From Next Door, Lots Of Hair.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? Hmmm, probably this class called “Novellas” that was solely dedicated to reading- you guessed it- all the classic novellas. Brilliant reading material with a really sweet, wry professor. That and Neuro. The brain is a pretty chill organ!

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? I’m sorry, but I didn’t need to read that American Girl book about the developing female body to know I should really look forward to cheese.

One thing to do before graduating: I would love to say something sentimental and campus-specific like “lie on the lawn and stare up at the sky at dusk:-),” but my true advice for anyone who may be leaving the city after graduation: go to Tompkins Square Bagels and order a bagel with birthday cake cream cheese. I know it sounds horrifying, and it kind of is…but trust me. Plus I’ll be there so we can chat.

Any regrets? Not auditioning for Control Top the second I arrived on campus. I was young and unaware and had never done improv before, so I didn’t realize I should even seek it out. But doing ladyprov was the best thing I could have possibly done here. I love you ladiesss, thank you for the laughs! Also, I could have taken more bathroom selfies.