Look around, look around … focus on where you’re going, please

There are many things at Columbia that make us cringe, curse, and shake our heads. But stairs, of all things, should not be included on that list… or so you’d think. Yet in some buildings, taking the stairs can mean endless frustration and confusion. Daily Editor and dutiful stair-climber Betsy Ladyzhets calls out those who make the walk even harder.

An open letter to people who text on the Hamilton stairs:

Okay. We get it. At least, we sort of get it. The Hamilton stairs are not unlike the man after whom they were named – obnoxious, exhausting, and capable of making you break a sweat after a few minutes of interaction. The twelve consecutive flights you need to climb to get to your seventh-floor seminar are tiring on your best days, muscle burn-inducing on your worst. You need some way to distract yourself to keep from giving up right there, halfway between the fifth and sixth floors.

But is it really necessary to look at your phone the whole time you’re climbing? No, of course it isn’t.

By staring down at your phone, you’re taking valuable energy away from the only thing you should be focusing on right now: climbing the stairs. Because, as you should know, climbing those stairs takes maximum energy. More energy than staying awake in Butler, finding a seat in Ferris, or even deciding which friend to kick out of your housing group. Every part of your mind and body needs to be working together to move your body up those stairs (and out of that hellhole) as quickly as possible. So, unless you have energy legs to brag about, you don’t have any focus to spare.

And that’s not even thinking about how much your distraction is costing those around you. Because, look. Even if you might not care about getting to class on time, the people around you do. They want to move. They want to look at their notes before their imminent midterm. They want to get a decent spot in line for the tiny two-stall women’s bathroom on the fifth floor. They definitely don’t want to be stuck behind your slow-moving ass as you let your friend know how delicious her lunch looks.

Because, here’s the thing – we here at Bwog may be pretty ingrained in social media, but at least we acknowledge that we don’t need to reply to every single notification at the speed of light. We’re not that self-obsessed. Do your friends care about your opinion? Sure. Can they wait to hear it until you get out of class? Absolutely. And who knows – maybe if you spend an hour and fifteen minutes thinking deliberating over how to reply to that tweet, it’ll be more witty than anything you could’ve come up with between floors two and four.

So, put your phones in your pockets (or your backpacks, if your jeans are of the women’s fashion variety.) Face those stairs head-on. Give yourself a motivational speech. Maybe even put on your own personal Hamilton stairs playlist.

Basically, unless you’re doing some kind of performance art project in which you imitate Columbia’s soon-to-be-installed new statue, we have nothing more to say to you but:

Get off your phone and move your ass.

An example of good taste (except for, perhaps, her jacket) via Canada Goose at Columbia