Prepare for trying times, friends. The end is nigh.

Did we teleport to Florida or California and not even know it? Why is Mother Nature so cruel as to give us this new heat wave, when leaves should be falling just like our GPAs? Let us discuss how global warming is real, and out to get us.

Judgment Day is coming… and it’s starting with salmon colored shorts in October.

Midterms have arrived, but how is one supposed to study when dripping with sweat in classrooms cranked with this mandated New York circulated heat? As the temperature tops off at 80 degrees today and for the next couple of days this week, the Apocalypse is clearly in its early stages – people are dressing like they’re in a poorly funded indie documentary about Coachella. Does one disregard that professor, who knows their room is like the ninth circle of Hell, but continues to preach about the Cold War like their students aren’t slowly dying internally or, quite possibly, melting off their carefully down foundation? Will tears of misery and uncomfortable sweating be the only moisture before the droplets fall and sizzle under the heat’s unmerciful grip?

Alas, we don’t have an answer to for how to survive in these trying times. All we can say is, when you see that one student who looks too pale and dizzy to comprehend Plato’s caves or attempt calculus, take pity on your fellow Apocalyptic buddy. Sweaty misery loves company, after all.

Until then, we can but dream of breezes and sweater-time as Hell comes to New Yorkers beyond the afterlife. Please, pray for this city as we stumble into what seems like another California-like winter. If you wanted weather like LA, here’s a tip – go to LA.

God speed, fellow Doomsday and midterm survivors.

Image via science too frighteningly real to read