An incredibly realistic image of a party at Carman

Recently, Senior Staff Writer Gabrielle Kloppers was lucky enough to have the opportunity to offer a survey to her close list of 800 Facebook friends. The survey concerned alcohol and drug use at Columbia, and their affect on GPA. The results were surprising.

I know, I know. What a played out survey topic, right? We see the exact same survey on the Class Facebook page every week. But this time is different- this time it is mine, and I can see the results of the survey. Below are my revelations.

Columbia students drink way less than I thought they did.
At least during my time here, it’s generally been pretty uncommon for a friend to turn down a weekend (or weekday) drinking session. Although Columbia has the stereotype of being a bunch of nerds who stay in Butler all Saturday night, I thought we had broken the mold. I was wrong. Columbia students generally report that they drink between 1-2 times a month and 1-2 times a week. This number was surprisingly low to me, and a lot of people completely abstained from drinking.

Columbia students smoke far less pot than I thought they did.
Apparently, around 45% of Columbia students never smoke pot. From the smell in Carman every Friday night (or always), one would disagree but it is the statistical truth! Columbia is not a school of stoners, just Adderall-poppers and Xanny-munchers. I think. Maybe I’ll do another survey and this assumption will be broken too.

The average GPA is actually pretty high.

I always thought the school website was lying when it reported an average GPA of around 3.5. I thought that as a whole, it would be way lower. However, the estimate holds around true, and the mean GPA is actually around 3.6. The vast GPA spread seemed to provide clues to a hidden answer: maybe all the inflated grades given in humanities classes balance out punishing Organic Chemistry grades? That’s this English major’s assumption.

Columbia doesn’t think drinking and smoking affect grades.
Columbia students as a whole assume their habits will not reflect on their GPA, and several noted that they would achieve higher grades if they smoked more pot. Perhaps they are right, who knows, but it just shows that Columbia students will prioritize getting crunk over their GPA’s, to the extent of denying the hazardous effects these substances have on the brain.

Drinking more alcohol and smoking more pot MAKES YOU SMARTER.
Take this one with a grain of salt, folks. I’m an English major, after all. However, from our extremely large study of 50 Columbia students, many of those who achieved the highest GPA’s were frequent drinkers. Pot use seemed to correlate less with success. Ultimately, what is Bwog saying with this? We’re not suggesting you study at 1020 at all…

Disclaimer: both alcohol and marijuana usage is dangerous to your health and this is a largely bogus study conducted by a sophomore stats student.

Columbia nightlife via College Dorm Essentials