D1. Columbia. Ivy League. Football Player.

Swiping through Tinder on another night of procrastination, you see him again and again. The Football Player.

He really wants you to know that he plays football. Specifically for Columbia. Which belongs to the Ivy League. Which technically counts as D1. His bio might read something like “D1 quarterback for Columbia University #ivy” or “D1 athlete playing football for Columbia University” or “Ivy League D1 linebacker for Columbia University.” It’s some combination of Columbia, D1, football, his position, Ivy League, and maybe even his graduation year. He has at least one picture of him in action on the field, if not three. His helmet covers his face entirely, so you can’t make superficial judgments about his looks – inconvenient! Bad to use as Tinder pictures! Anyone should know this! But, seriously, the Football Player really wants you to know he plays football. So he has to have a picture of him playing football in uniform (Pantone 292! Columbia Lions! Not-so-subtle hint that he goes to Columbia! D1 athlete! Ivy League!) on Tinder. In fact, most of his pictures probably show him in uniform, with or without a face-covering helmet. If this Football Player is the Religious Type, he might also have a Bible verse in his bio and something along the lines of – “#blessed.” He also definitely has his height, maybe even his weight and body fat percentage. Maybe a picture at the gym or of him shirtless. Get it? He just really wants you to know that he is a D1 Columbia Ivy League Football Player, which should automatically make him hot in your books, Right?