THE legend herself.

Bwog is back and better than ever from a long, crazy weekend. From celebrity meetups to scaring poor tourists away, here is a collection of the highlights of our Staff writers’ weekends. If you have any stories you would like to contribute, email us at tips@bwog.com and we will add it to this week’s edition!

Bwog and Food/Drink:

• Talked shit over vodka sodas with a friend like i was on Sex and the City.
• Ate a Stews meatball after it had fallen on the floor of an Academy bus (I think).
• Spent approx. 1/6th of my current remaining money on a dozen Absolute bagels.
• Pregamed the Olympic Opening Ceremony at an event called “Miracle on Smirnoff Ice.” Took a shot every time the NBC commentators made some dumb comment about nature and man being in harmony. Subsequently got wasted.
• Had a bomb smores reeses cake at an otherwise terribly-mediocre rowing party.
• Fought management at Carmine’s for a table.
• Ate fancy bread pudding with jalapeño ice cream.
• Got very drunk very quickly with my roommate. Ended up leaving Mel’s at 1 in a cab and we caused a scene in front of Appletree because I was screaming because my friend was trying to run back to Mel’s.
• Drank Smirnoff Ice and listened to early 2000’s music whilst watching my friends fill out the Datamatch survey.
• Got stoned and called a spa in the UWS that I frequent to ask them what their spaghetti policy is. Laughed harder than I should have for longer than I should have.

Bwog on Campus:

• Tripped on ice in front of a tour group (not Columbia affiliated?) and fell; screamed “FUCK” so loud when hitting the ground that I’m pretty sure I scared half of them away from ever coming back to Columbia. Bruised physically and emotionally from this.
• Watched a girl in JJ’s have a drunken breakdown over how much she misses Michelle Obama.
• Went to the gym????!! Wow.
• Slipped down, got up, then slipped down again on the Pupin stairs. They made the first bomb there or something why don’t those things have friction.
• Have been trapped in my room since Wednesday because of the flu…had to cancel every single one of my weekend plans :(
• Had to help my roommate back onto her bed after she fell off because she was too drunk.
• Finessed a single in 4-person Ruggles suite next year through being an RA rider.
• Ate at JJ’s after every night out this weekend. Later found out I gained 2 pounds :/
• Spent my whole Saturday hungover and was deciding whether to throw up in Butler or walk home in the rain. Chose the latter.

Bwog in the City:

• Screamed  “I SWEAR I WAS AT A FUNERAL” whilst wearing a see through shirt when I saw my TA who gave me a paper extension at 1020.
• Spent a whole night lying down in the back booth of 1020.
• Went to Scranton.
• Smoked one hit of a joint and got high enough to forget how to get home. Almost got on the 5 train then ran when I realized I needed the NQR. Then got off at 14th – union square because I thought I was at the 14th stop on the west side. Was sober by time I got home.
• Made eye contact with Issa Rae.
• Hugged Issa Rae.
• Issa Rae told me to have a great semester.
• Chilled outside Junzi late night waiting for friends and listened to LITERALLY EVERYONE say “woah, Junzi is lit” as they passed by. Not a single person refrained from commenting about how lit Nunzi was. Not a single. person.
• Ran into several yung bwoggers at Junzi late night (which was indeed lit!)
• Had a really wholesome day at an art museum with my dad!
• Went downtown at 5 A.M. to try to get Waitress rush tickets. Awkwardly met my first year roommate in the line, who had been waiting since 2:30 AM. Didn’t get rush tickets.
• DJed Junzi late night.
• Got the band briefly lost in Connecticut. Spent 10 agonizing minutes watching the bus driver backed out of a dead end street.
• Went to the Met to see the Michelangelo exhibit and spent more time trying to get back than I did at the museum.

Bwog and Love:

• “Broke up” with my “boyfriend” of one week because I realized the last thing I want is a relationship right now.
• Was talking to a Bumble match and then he sent me a picture of himself with one of my old Tinder dates. I then had a convo with the Tinder date through the Bumble match.
• Planned my first-ever Valentine’s Day date! It’s over Skype but I’m counting it.
• Made out with a Catholic dude who later told me he was waiting for marriage.
• Plotted how to make my single gay classmate fall in love with me.
• Roommate got all gooey with her boyfriend while I was there and was actually nauseated.
• Set up three dates and flaked on them all. (Instead ended up with the Dora the Explorer heir again and watched his shitty movie that he sold to Netflix).
• Boyfriend visited and we got a hotel room because my roommate refuses to be sexiled.

Miscellaneous Bwog:

• Spent the weekend with my donkey named Jezebel.
• Slept. A lot.
• Used a toe nail clipper as an earring.
• Rewatched Westworld. Realized there’s more than one park!
• Stole a bouquet of inaugural flowers.
• Got hazed.
• Rearranged and deep cleaned my room.
• Got addicted to the Olympics; tweeted many times about the Olympics; fell in love with Canadian television coverage of the Olympics.
• Went running in the pouring rain to get over my hangover.
• Got drunk at West End and tested Ernest Hemingway’s “write drunk, edit sober” theory. …he was wrong.
• Told a friend that I was going to a concert that I wasn’t planning on going to and then bought a ticket just so I wouldn’t get caught in a lie.

I’m jealous Idris got to meet Issa via Creative Commons