After finding out that grown-man-heart-throb Jake Gyllenhaal lived on floor 5 of John Jay during his time at Columbia, Bwogger Miyoki Walker immediately began to wonder about where young-adult-heart-throb Timothée Chalamet might’ve lived. She also wants you to know that her love for Timothée is almost entirely ironic. Almost. 

Pictured: Timothée Chalamet wistfully reminiscing about his time at Columbia University

John Jay
So many people live in John Jay that it’s an absolute fact someone with floppy hair, tired eyes and a generally relaxed demeanor, (maybe Timmy, maybe not), lived there at the same time he was enrolled. What makes this option strong is that, Tim is such a versatile actor that you could really see him as any of the guys on your floor. Maybe he’s the one constantly making the floor smell like weed. Maybe he’s the guy whose leg has somehow been broken for the past 5 months. Maybe he’s the one listening to Bob Dylan every night in the room next to you. Actually, he’s definitely the one listening to Bob Dylan every night in the room next to you.

Carman
If the fire alarms were going off as frequently as they do today, it’s no wonder Timmy transferred to NYU after one year. In the daylight, Tim seems to be a sweet little boy, but who knows what kind of party life he signed up for after hours? There’s no real basis for this argument, but maybe Timmy thought he could exploit his small role in Interstellar along with a nice Carman double to give him the best social life as possible—who really knows what goes on in that tiny head of his?

Wallach
Wallach, a place where the people are chill and nobody knows your name, would’ve been the perfect place for artsy Tim Chalamet. You’d catch him in the lounge playing some indie song on the guitar (can he play guitar? He seems like he can play guitar). He’d be wearing a t-shirt that’s either way to big or way to small for his petite build. When you ask what song he’s playing, he’d just look up at you and nod. He didn’t hear you, but it wouldn’t be chill to ask what you said.

Furnald
Listen, Furnald gets a bad rep when it comes to freshman dorms, but it might’ve been the ideal place for the quiet and mysterious Timmy to have lived. Just picture it: he runs in the elevator just as its closing and asks you to press the button for floor 6. He’s wearing a black turtleneck and his hair is at its optimal floppiness. He doesn’t speak for the rest of the ride and he quietly slips out once you hit his floor, disappearing into a mere nothingness. You tell your friends about him, but seeing as no one else really lives in Furnald and they’ve never seen him before, they have no reason to believe you. You don’t even believe you. This theory is only valid if Timothée is really just his character in Lady Bird, which is more likely than not.

Hartley
Hartley, slightly softer than John Jay, slightly edgier than Wallach. Surprisingly enough, our sources say that Timmy did actually live in Hartley for his first and only year at Columbia. Typical Timmy, doing what we least expected of him. Gotta love it.

Photo via Bwog Archives