Staff writer Elle Ferguson has begun the monstrous task of tidying-up the nonessential items at Columbia. You’re welcome.

I haven’t actually watched Marie Kondo’s Netflix special because I’ve been too busy with true crime documentaries, but I’m sure we all know the basic gist of her tidying philosophy. Here’s a refresher: you go through all your shit, hold each item in your hand, and determine whether or not said item “sparks joy.” If it doesn’t, you thank it for its service to you and throw it away. Everything else stays. Apparently this really changes people’s lives, and I thought, “hey, doesn’t Columbia need a Marie Kondo clean-up?”

Here are some things the Bwog staff thinks are ready to be thanked and thrown away:

  • The Columbia Course Directory
  • Chairs with the side desk attached
  • Bumping into people in the dining halls (especially a Tinder match)
  • Mel’s
  • The misanthropic rage I feel when I walk past Butler 3 men’s room
  • Not being able to ride a scooter in the Milstein Center
  • All of the elevators
  • This week’s weather
  • The Lerner ramps
  • EC
  • All of Butler
  • Tall printers
  • John Jay’s cheesecake
  • Paying 50 cents for a takeaway carton from John Jay
  • The lack of seating at John Jay
  • People bumping into me on my way out of the buffet room in John Jay
  • Just John Jay tbh…
  • Sigep
  • Hookup culture
  • The heating in Hamilton
  • The Kingsmen
  • The pita chips in Ferris
  • JJ’s omelettes
  • Class participation
  • The broken desk tables in 304
  • Friday discussion sections
  • Ferris scrambled eggs
  • Hewitt coffee
  • The smell in the Sulz 6 lounge
  • Having to wait for the one bathroom in the John Jay lobby
  • People who walk in groups and block the entire stairwell/hallway
  • People eating the vegetarian food in John Jay if they’re not vegetarian so theres no food left for us herbivores
  • I’m always at least one staircase away from a bathroom here.
  • People bumping into me every five seconds in Ferris. Like clockwork.
  • Incessant typing noises in the library/lecture classes
  • The fact that the Barnard design center doesn’t have a real sticker maker :(
  • Trees you can’t climb
  • Extremely milky Liz’s coffee
  • The fact that Barnard points don’t work at Columbia dining halls
  • My syllabus

Feel free to comment anymore items that will help tidy-up Columbia.

Image of ugly ramps via Wikipedia Commons