Staff Writer Solomia Dzhaman shares a strongly worded letter/PSA to sick students on campus.

To the guy in seat 279 of Havemeyer 309,

I’m sorry you’re sick. It happens. We all live in such tight quarters, our immune systems are trashed, we get too little sleep. It happens.

But please, for the love of everything, do not cough on me.

Do not sneeze on the back of my head.

Do not spend the entire lecture sniffling.

Do not pass GO and collect $200.

Stop it!

Go back to your room, chug some Emergen-C, drink some NyQuil. Get notes from a friend, I guarantee you that nothing in this Gen Chem lecture is so important and vital that you have to be here in person to hear it. The periodic table isn’t going anywhere. All the slides are posted online. The only thing keeping us all awake on this fine Thursday evening is the sound of that one girl dropping her hydroflask and your goddamn sniffling.

I don’t understand why Havemeyer 309 is the place you want to be, I don’t understand why Savinsky is the guy you want to listen to, and most importantly, I have absolutely no idea why you are choosing to sit right behind me right now. Of all the places, of all the times, why did you choose now to plant your sick and sorry self behind me.

I would just like you to know that no, I did not appreciate the sneezing on the back of my hair, and yes, I could feel you cough on me – every single time it happened. Don’t worry about it, don’t feel the need to apologize or anything. It’s fine!

I’m not bedridden with the Freshman Plague because of you or anything :)

What was meant to be a fun and lighthearted Saturday night for me turned into slowly working through a box of tissues (yep, an entire box!) and drinking 4 shots of DayQuil…severe strength. I ate Lerner soup and sipped tea with honey. Notably, I did not go outside. I covered my mouth, I blew my nose into tissues, and I washed my hands – a lot!

So, guy sitting behind me in lecture, I know I’ll see you in class (god forbid you’d ever skip!).

I hope you’re feeling better.

Sincerely,

The girl in seat 179, Havemeyer 309

Havemeyer via Bwog Archives