Not only does D.Z. know how to throw a spear, she also knows the location of a very interesting and practical zine she can’t really get into here. 

Name, School, Major, Hometown: D.Z., BC, Cell & Molecular Biology, I’m omnipresent, actually.

Claim to fame: Wearing a different science pun t-shirt for (nearly) every session of the lab I TA’d for, redistributing wealth by stealing fancy condiments from John Jay and putting them in Hewitt, getting asked by multiple strangers unprompted if I am a demon, and breaking my arm and seeing ghosts as a direct result of learning Newton’s 1st Law in 4th grade.

Where are you going? Short-term: back to DC. Long term: hell, probably.

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2024?

Having a set activity in the evening that I have to get work done before going to helps me sit down and actually do something rather than just putting it off indefinitely. I like going to the gym (stan fitbear), because your therapist is right and exercise does help improve your mental health.

I can’t expand on this one for obvious reasons, but there’s a zine in the Barnard Zine Library with a very informational passage on how to pee standing up if you don’t have the parts that let you do that automatically.

If you’re lactose intolerant like me, not eating dairy feels a lot better than eating dairy.

“Back in my day…” Milstein didn’t exist so we had to study in LeFrak and we LIKED IT!!!!!

Favorite Columbia controversy? When a CC boy tried to file a Title IX complaint on a Barnard professor for discriminating against men in the admissions process.

What was your favorite class at Columbia? FY Seminar: Liberation with Manu Vimalassery. No course has ever made me think more critically or developed my writing better than this one. Seriously, it shaped my whole college career.

(Alt. answer for those of you looking for course recs: The Origins of Human Society with Severin Fowles. You can learn how to flintknap!! And how to throw spears!! And how to develop opinions on whether it’s H. neanderthalensis or H. sapiens neanderthalensis)

Would you rather give up oral sex or cheese? *Person who wasn’t asked voice* I’m vegan.

Whom would you like to thank? Of course I would like to thank my dearly beloved parents and friends, but especially my dad for calling me every Sunday at 12:05 for an entire semester only to say “It’s High Noon” in a horrible McCree impression and then hang up. I’d also like to thank the Barnard intro bio lab department for employing me these past two years (Hi Henry and Colin if you’re reading this I love you!!!), every prof whose office hours I’ve ever cried at, and Rat Jesus.

One thing to do before graduating: Cut off all your hair. It grows back so there’s basically no consequences!!!

Any regrets? That Rat Jesus joke. I don’t think it landed.