NINE-NINE!!

Brooklyn Nine-Nine season 7 premieres today and what better way to greet the new season than by ripping apart laughing at all the inaccuracies in the season 6 episode “The Bimbo”? For those who don’t know, this is the episode in which Jake and Holt visit Columbia to solve a case (except it’s really not Columbia). Nice try B99, but Bwog’s here to tell you exactly what you did wrong. Roll the tape:

The episode starts with Kevin meeting Jake in a private place – the bathroom stall, obviously – to discuss the details of a new case that he wants Jake to take on.

I didn’t hear about this?? Oh wait, this is a fictional universe. (Also, why three? That’s oddly specific.)

Kevin explains that he doesn’t want Holt in on it and, after a close shave where Holt almost sees the two of them in the stall together, Kevin brings Jake to Columbia and his lecture hall.

What Building Is This Counter: 1
No, but seriously, who’s Maeve Cannon

Well, this is more modern than any lecture hall I’ve ever had classes in. Also, that board is tiny! The camera can’t even see the writing! I feel bad for anyone who has Kevin as their professor.

Nonchalantly writing Greek on the board…
Can Actually See This Happening at Our School Counter: 1

Holt appears, having realized that there was something suspicious going on from Kevin’s evasiveness before. He reveals to Jake that he made a fool of himself during one holiday party with Kevin’s co-workers:

Passage IDs on the Lit Hum final be like

As a result, Holt has been feeling beneath Kevin and this exclusion from the case is the final nail in the coffin. Holt storms off with this:

Creative Writing majors revolt

Before running after him, Jake delivers this line to Kevin:

Yes, Jake. We have our swim test in it. And kayaking.

Jake catches up to Holt who explains more about his insecurities:

Relatable content

Also – School of Literary Arts? Nice try, B99.

Jake convinces Holt to lead the case and prove everyone at Columbia wrong about his being lesser than them. They go to Dean Allister’s office to discuss the case with him:

What Building is This Counter: 2
No professor I’ve visited for office hours has had THIS MUCH space.

And he even has a portrait of himself! Is Dean Allister just PrezBo?

Later, the two move on to the scene of the crime to find some evidence.

What Building is This Counter: 3

Dean Allister corners them and explains that the janitor has found the thief. Dejected, the two leave the building.

This is probably the same building as before just from the outside, but…
What Building is this Counter: 4

So…Bacchanal?

Holt doesn’t buy the story and says they should investigate Dean Allister further by following him.

Ah yes, college walk.

Dean Allister almost sees them but Jake and Holt duck into a nearby crowd of people.

Can Actually See This Happening at Our School Counter: 2

When they emerge, the Dean is gone and they find a footprint of his left behind – the same one as the one they found at the crime scene! They rush to a building to confront him and interrupt a congratulatory party of sorts for the janitor who “solved” the case.

What Building is this Counter: 5

Dean Allister explains that everyone has the same shoes in the classics department and the two slink away yet again back to Kevin’s classroom.

Ohh, I think I get it now. This is Manhattanville.

The rest of the episode doesn’t deliver any new things to poke fun at, but let’s take a look at our tally, shall we?

What Building is this Counter: 5

Can Actually See This Happening at Columbia: 2

So, overall, we can probably say that, while the episode delivered on laughs, it did not deliver on authenticity. Any high school seniors looking to come to Columbia – do not use this episode as a way to see what the college is like.

Photos courtesy of Bwog Staff and Snipping Tool