How To Be An East Coaster While Living On The West Coast
Bwog Staff has combined forces to help West Coast students feel like they are living on the East Coast while they aren’t.
How to Replicate East Coast Culture:
Step 1: Time Zone
To Feel like an East Coaster, you have to start living in EST.
- Set all clocks in your vicinity to Eastern Standard Time. Never change them.
Step 2: Clothes
To Feel like an East Coaster, you have to start dressing like one.
- Wear your preppiest clothing, think Vineyard Vines and khaki everything.
- Wear your largest parka while soaking up the West Coast sun.
- Gloves, hats, and scarves are optional but recommended for the optimal experience.
- Even better, print out the Canada Goose logo and secure it to all the items of clothing in your closet with tape.
- Wear neutral tones and dress more formally than you ever would.
Step 3: Dialect
To Feel like an East Coaster, you have to start speaking like one.
- Talk really loudly and heavy-handedly.
- Use local lingo like “hoagies” for sandwiches or “schmear” for cream cheese.
- Be uncomfortably straightforward. No diplomacy in your talk.
Step 4: What to talk about
To Feel like an East Coaster, you have to start talking like one.
- Talk about how crazy the weather is.
- Example: “It was snowing yesterday and now I’m wearing shorts!”
- Shit-talk the West Coast for being weak.
- Similarly, shit on other parts of the East Coast until it becomes an East Coast-West Coast thing. Then drop your animosity toward New England/Florida/Jersey/etc. for the sake of the argument.
- Be sure to know your town/hamlet/city history and share it with pride.
- Tip: always have some fun fact about a war.
Step 5: What to think about and not to think about
To Feel like an East Coaster, you have to start thinking like one.
- Don’t think about the East Coast until someone brings up the West Coast and then proceed to berate the West Coast. Talk about how you could never live there. Ultimately, you really are such an East Coaster. It’s in your blood. West Coasters are too laid back it’s so weird.
Step 6: How to Act
To Feel like an East Coaster, you have to start acting like one.
- Be uptight about things. Insist you aren’t. You are.
- Walk super-fast (around your house of course).
- Have Sunday brunch!
- Always be rushed. Always be productive.
- Don’t flake on people (if you plan a Zoom Call, go to the Zoom call).
Step 7: Location
To feel like an East Coaster, you have to pretend like you still live there.
- Print out pictures of the East Coast and paste them around your room.
- It is best to put them directly on your windows. This will ensure no West Coast sun and culture emanates into your living quarters.
makeshift Canada Goose via Bwogger who misses East Coast