Nothing serious, though! Bwog staff just has some suggestions as to which clubs you should join once you, Frankie Jonas, start your Columbia education.

An Open Letter to Frankie Jonas:

Frankie. Franklin. The king of New Jersey. The Bonus Jonas, nay, the BEST Jonas. Here us out.

First, Bwog wants to congratulate you on getting into Columbia! It’s an amazing feat and truly an honor to have you here on campus, and we can’t wait to see you shine both in the classroom and in student life! Since your Instagram announcement, Bwog has been buzzing about you. In short, we wish you all the best! We hope you maximize your time here and truly have a wonderful time in this esteemed institution. We have been incredibly excited to see that Columbia University was your dream college, and we are immensely proud that you will be attending.

On that note, speaking of maximizing your time here and having the best possible outcome, we wanted to reach out to you with one, simple plea: Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please,  PLEASE rush Bwog.

What is Bwog? Why, us, of course! We’re the coolest, sexiest, smartest, funniest student news source on campus, and have we got a spot for you! If you like music, you can be our playlist guy! If you like theater, you can cover our arts events! Do you draw? Become an illustrator! Do you like living on a schedule and telling other people to do their job? Become a daily editor! Do you just want to flex on the entire community that you were the best character/cameo performance in Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam? Become a staff writer…and make that reflection somehow Columbia-related! The possibilities for you both at Bwog and Columbia are endless, and we would love to help you find your niche.

Second, you’re going to need a solid group of friends once you get to campus. Yeah, Columbia assigns you a group of friends for the first week during NSOP, but why rely on seven strangers to become your friends when you could possibly strive to inherit approximately one hundred friends? Bwog has goths, jocks, court jesters, the one guy who definitely would pull out an acoustic guitar and sing an off-key rendition of “Wonderwall”, ethereal orbs of light, suspected robots, Grimes-wannabes, Studio Ghibli enthusiasts (shoutout to your excellent voice-acting skills in Ponyo, by the way), living proof that vampires exist, and Phoebe Bridgers stans, to name a few. More importantly, we could have you, Frankie Jonas! Bwog may have one hundred unique voices, but why can’t there be one hundred and one?

Third, you could use your Bwog power for good. What does this mean? Well, that’s up to you! It could be gaining a lot of street cred, automatically becoming the funniest person in the room wherever you are, having access to cool events on campus, getting your brothers to perform at Bacchanal…the possibilities are endless!

Alternatively, Bwog could use your Frankie power for good. In other words, though we have a lot of cool people already in our organization, we need you to make all of us instantly more interesting. Deep down, we’re just college students; but with your help, we could ascend to stardom and become more. Also, we need money to run our website, and your posts could give us a LOT of website traffic, thus increasing our revenue. I’m not saying that your decision not to join Bwog would bankrupt us (we are very popular, by the way), but you could be directly responsible for the advent of the Golden Age of Bwog. What a humanitarian!

So yes, try out for Bwog. Go to our first open meeting of the year, at least. Maybe read some of our posts to catch our vibe, follow our staff on Instagram, DM us on any of our social media profiles, maybe send an email to tips@bwog.com if you have any questions. Screw it, why not come up with some merch ideas if you’re inclined? Bwog is just here to let you know that we think you’re super cool, your abandoned Twitter from 2018 perfectly encapsulates the Bwog vibe, and that if you want to meet the coolest people on campus to join your Rockstar entourage, then you have one hundred people willing to make your dreams come true. Most importantly, congratulations on getting into Columbia! Now please rush Bwog.

Think it over!

~Bwog

Bwog Via Bwog Archives