For those who just aren’t ready for precedented times.

Since 1987 we have attended class over Zoom. It is understandable, then, that many of us have forgotten how to behave during real-life interactions.

How, for example, should we respond when we agree with someone if we don’t have access to the 👍 emoji? How can we talk to people we haven’t met before if we don’t see a chat feature? And how do we check whether that cowlick has fallen on our foreheads if we don’t have webcams?

  • #webcam #notanad

It is concerns like these that hold us back from such important tasks as saying, “Wow, that’s a good point,” during seminars; apologizing after bumping into people in Ferris; and forgetting about that dang cowlick.

But what if I told you there was another way? That we could bring the New Normal to the New New Normal?

Yes, that is right. We now have the technology—nay, the willpower—to make real life more like Zoom.

“How,” you ask? Well, read on to find out.

1.

Carry signs with emojis on them. Show them to people to express agreement, emotions, etc.

  • This is what I had in mind.
  • You could even have different sizes of signs.

Why go back to body language when this is an option?

2.

Instead of talking to people when you run into them, text them instead.

  • An in-person chat feature.

You can also use Messenger.

3.

Carry a mirror with you.

  • No webcam required.

Unfortunately, there’s no “touch up my appearance” button on mirrors . . .

4.

Rather than scheduling Zoom meetings, schedule in-person meetings.

  • There are greater than or equal to two ways to schedule meetings.

And remember: You can always schedule . . . wait for it . . . laser tag.

5.

You can share your screen by showing other people your computer.

  • Two people, a computer, and a plant.

^^This could be you and your friends.

6.

To mute yourself, wear six masks.

Wearing six masks really says, “I wish to prevent acoustic feedback.”

7.

Turn off your “video” by going skiing or doing another solo activity.

Okay, this joke has gone on long enough. Goodbye.

Dali Painting via Bwog Archive

Webcam via Wikimedia Commons

Unedited Sign 1 via PxHere

Unedited Sign 2 via PxHere

People on Phones via PxHere

Person with Mirror via Pxfuel

Schedule via Max Pixel

Two People Looking at a Laptop via Piqsels

Mask 1 via Pixabay

Mask 2 via Pixabay

Mask 3 via Pixabay

Mask 4 via Pixabay

Mask 5 via Pixabay

Mask 6 via Pixabay