Putting the ferris in Ferris Booth, literally.

All Columbia students are familiar with Ferris Booth Commons. Located on the second and third floor of Lerner Hall, the commons offers compact and easy access to some of the selections from the nation’s premier college dining services.

Or at least, it’s supposed to. The full undergraduate population’s return to campus this year brought some understandable hiccups, especially when coupled with continued physical distancing protocols. Students faced massive lines in the early part of the semester, when carry-out dining was the only option, only to make it to the food station to find there was nothing left. The commons were often packed well beyond what would be comfortable or safe even in non-pandemic times. Students have complained about the inconveniences of indoor dining and limited take-out capacity, as well as continued potential safety concerns. 

I have a proposal to address these issues and increase the efficiency, Covid safety, capacity, and fun of Lerner’s student dining option: turn Ferris Booth into Ferris Wheel. Columbia should build a two-story ferris wheel inside Lerner, replacing the existing layout of the commons.

This new organization would instantly take care of the crowding concerns endemic to the commons and make effective use of its long, narrow layout. Putting each student or group of students into their own car on the Ferris wheel would eliminate the typical wandering path of student diners, and make long lines a thing of the past. Instead of walking up to a stall and asking for food, you would simply make your request as your car moves past. This function would be especially useful at the made-to-order stations, which can see especially nasty lines at the height of the meal rush: just make your order, and grab it on the next go-around after you’ve gotten your other food, no need to stand there waiting, and no need to waste time in a queue. 

The increase in convenience would be tremendous. Tired of weaving your way through lines of your classmates while carrying three asymmetrical plates of food stacked on top of each other? Well, now you would get your food brought right to your seat, without having to even get up to order. And if you decide you want seconds, not to worry, the next food stall is only 15 degrees away.

Of course, the biggest benefit that the Ferris wheel would bring is in terms of Covid safety. While Columbia, and New York in general, are thankfully at a point of relative safety where vaccinated individuals can congregate at low risk, we all know that the current situation is not guaranteed to continue, and there remains some risk in every interaction as long as the virus is still present. So much of the seating at Ferris right now is not six feet apart, even between tables, and the entire dining area is one enclosed space, so it is not hard to see how the virus could spread a lot. But if every student, or table of students, eats in their own enclosed car, that risk is greatly diminished. Students could still sit with their friends, there just doesn’t have to be a group of four strangers 18 inches away. Outbreaks could still happen, but they would be much more easily contained, and contact tracing would be far easier.

This doesn’t even get to the fun factor. School is stressful and hard work. That’s not even such a bad thing, as rigorous academics can be beneficial. But it does mean that we need to take good care of our mental and emotional well-being, and what better way to do that than with a carnival ride. Ferris wheels wouldn’t be popular if they weren’t fun, and they can be a good way to decompress after a stressful day of academic study. It even takes Columbia students’ packed schedules into account: you can get your diversion in during your lunch break, and still get a good meal. Now that’s some Ivy League ingenuity. 

And this is all not to mention the huge boost in attractiveness that the Ferris wheel could create for prospective students. Without even a cursory google search, I’m willing to bet that no other university has a ferris wheel inside their student center dining hall. For high-achieving students trying to decide whether to ED to Columbia or Princeton, this could very plausibly be the deciding factor, if they somehow were still torn between Manhattan and Jersey. 

Of course, the elephant in the room here is cost. But here’s the thing: Columbia could probably handle it. According to this website, a ferris wheel costs between $300-$350k new, and $60-$90k used, which does not factor in transportation (probably by boat) and installation, and could admittedly get messy given that it would be going on the second floor of an already-finished building, and part of the third floor would have to be removed. But even so, it can’t come out to that much money, especially for an institution with an 11-figure endowment that doesn’t pay taxes or buy dental insurance for its employees. Plus, you could probably get some alumni to write a check to cover the cost if you said pretty please.

Sure, one could argue that a ferris wheel might be better placed on the Manhattanville campus since it is still under construction and some of the buildings haven’t even started going up yet. You could more easily accommodate it into the layout, without interrupting student life. Plus, it could really use some fun to balance out the drab, colorless concrete-and-glass architecture. But that would ignore the fact that this dining hall is already called Ferris. It’s clearly fate; mortal man has no power here. Plus, that part of west Harlem sits on a decent-sized fault line (hence the subway needs to run above-ground from 120th to 130th), so there are real stability concerns for any ambitious structures there. Giving us the Ferris Wheel is the only option. 

There really is no downside here. No legitimate counter-argument could be constructed against this extremely reasonable and timely proposition.

Ferris wheel via Creative Commons

Ferris booth via Bwog Archives