I can’t escape them!

While college has undoubtedly hewn a group of intellectually curious and critically thinking Bwoggers, we all seem to have a professor who curbs this curiosity. You know them, maybe you love them. They believe in penis envy, they think everyone else also has an Oedipus complex, and above all, to them, everything is a penis! Even at Barnard, there are professors making unnecessary phallic comparisons. 

This is enough to drive an innocent Bwogger mad, but to combat the invasion of this penis-focused disposition in our own lives, we’ve compiled a list of some of the most peculiar comparisons in an attempt to laugh, instead of cry.

A decapitated statue: Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Obviously, it symbolizes castration, it couldn’t just be a prop! 

A Swiss army knife: Because of the majestic versatility of male genitalia of course.

A plane: Again, the majesty! (majestic was the exact word used)

A bunch of carrots: Honestly this did sort of make sense in context, but it just made me judge the director of the movie rather than the professor.

A thumb while hitchhiking: Erectile dysfunction. Didn’t you get that?

Lots of stuff in Madame Bovary: Ok. Fair enough.

A bracelet, the jewelry case symbolizing virginity: This leans vaginal to me if anything, but different strokes, I guess.           

The male gaze: Like men being obsessed with phallic imagery and insecure about the fact that they have a penis and women don’t. I mean why not?  Reverse penis envy? Dare I say this one is feminist?

Feet: Of course. A classic.

Coughing???

The entire field of epistemology: I’m so tired.

A tropical storm: Specifically symbolizing desire for your mother, wow.

Bonus content:

“We’re all little Oedipuses running around.” Let’s unpack that, shall we? What was your relationship with your mother like growing up?

“Mothers are the least sexualized women in society which is weird because for example I’m a mother of three so you know I’ve had sex at least three times.” So true, honestly.

The clitoral design of a computer mouse: There is a light in the distance. Is there hope for the future? 

Eggplant Image via Depositphotos